Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Today I got an email from E telling me how she, R and baby S went to the zoo with a mutual friend of ours, his wife and their son, and E's sister and her two kids.

It's so weird how mundane news like this can put me in a funk for an entire day. Just reading her email made me so sad.

Then the sadness from this creeps into all of the other crap that's going on. I spent the entire day freaking out about how negative I am at work. I've told three people so far that I'm looking for a new job. That was probably really stupid, but I just can't keep it in. I feel like I am completely out of control at work. I am negative, I complain all the time, and I'm wandering around aimlessly trying to do work, but because work is so f*cked up, I can't get anything done because I'm constantly waiting on other people. This makes me complain more about how awful it is to work there.

I know that I am wasting away in this place, but all I can think about is how there is no job that I would like right now, and that I've had 3 jobs in the last year. Nobody is going to want to hire me. I don't know what I want to do, and I don't even know how to get a job that I might like at this point.

Should I be a sub? Should I just work at a retail store? Should I temp? I don't know how to figure out what I should do.

I do have a meeting with a recruiter on Thursday morning.


ultimatejourney said...

IF's enough of a bitch without having to feel like you're left out of all the parenthood fun too. That just blows. I have recent firsthand experience to prove it.

I don't know what you should do next, job-wise, but I'm quite certain that somebody would be lucky to have you. Maybe the meeting with the recruiter will give you some good ideas.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could tell you the right choice, but I am in a similar situation myself.

I was having a sad day today as well, so I thought that ice cream might help cheer me up. I was wrong. There were 4 bazillion kids and pregnant women in the ice cream shop.

Samantha said...

I'm sorry your feeling sad. I know it tends to overshadow everything else and make all situations look bad. Take care.

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am so sorry that you are feeling sad. Hearing about other people's children can put me into a funk too.

I don't know what to tell you on the job thing. Hopefully the recruiter can help. xx

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

It's the little things that really get you. The woman who sold us bedroom furniture last weekend (something that I was REALLY excited about) made me very sad when she said at least twice, "Well, I would recommend this if you had kids," or, "you are lucky not to have kids yet." Mr. LIW chipped in with "Not yet but soon!" but it still left me forlorn. So, I know how you feel.

Figuring out what job is the right fit is a significant challenge. It might be worth your time to tepm for a while, which will provide you with the time and space to figure out what you really want to do ultimately....

Sarah said...

it totally sucks how the sadness of infertility permeates all of life. as for the job search, i think temping is a great idea. i used to be a recruiter if you have any questions about that. they are better at finding something that matches your skills than they are at helping you figure out what you might like, because usually they are paid by the companies looking for employees, not by you. but she may be able to help steer you in some new directions, which are always good to explore. good luck!

Allformybaby said...

I think most of us understand that sinking feeling everyday that we cycle. We see a big belly or baby or family and we just shut down. I have two kids and it still hits me like I have none and I actually must remind myself that they are even there. I know that is sad, but when all you think about is TTC it doesn't take much to set us off or bring us down. I am sure that is what is effecting your work. I know this sounds cheesey and you will feel like Captain McCheese doing it for the first few days, but try to go half a day without having a negative thought or attitude. When you do, try to turn it into something funny you can giggle to yourself about. Like what if you could walk up and Pants that person right now. (pantsing someone means you go up to them and pull their pants down to reveal their underwear or lack there of to everyone around)Instant giggle. Or what if Mr Perfect would trip and spill coffee all over his perfect little shirt. I know it sounds immature but hey most of the things the people around you do are pretty immature. Hope that helps!
just in case it doesn't work for you!