Sunday, May 31, 2009

No excitment here

There's nothing going on. Absolutely nothing. B-dog is definitely keeping us busy. He's definitely helped my mood a lot. He's a delightful dog and taking care of him has really taken my mind off the waiting and the other bad stuff. Adding him to our family has been great so far, and his adjustment has been speedy. He is doing really well.

We still haven't sent our application off to the second agency. We need to have new copies of our book printed up. We're working on that and we have to get it off soon. We're still just spinning our wheels here with our wait.

A co-worker was supposed to come and get our fish and fish tank as I don't want it any more. I don't take proper care of our fish, so I figured I'd give them to someone who would. This is our second try for him to come pick them up and it looks like he's a no-show again. He won't be getting another chance. I hate it when people say they'll do something and then simply don't show up without calling and saying they can't make it. Fine if he can't come, but he has my phone number. I don't have his.

Tonight is my niece's 10th birthday party. I think we're going to bring B-dog along. We'll see how that goes. Since it's Sunday night, we shouldn't be there for more than a few hours, so I think it should be okay. We brought him there once before, but that was before he was so comfortable with us. I want to socialize him so I think it's a good thing to bring him.

Nothing else doing. My job is just eh. I think about staying home all the time now. That's not too good, but it is what it is. It's not that bad -- it's just not good.

One day keeps following another. That's how it is.

Monday, May 25, 2009


B-dog can officially go up and down the stairs by himself. It's still quite awkward, but he can do it.

Had someone over the house today and he growled a little at her when she tried to give him treats or talk to him. Didn't like that much. He was in his bed, so at first I thought it was a bed thing but when he got up off his bed and she tried, he still growled.

This surprised me since I can interrupt him from eating without a problem and can sit in his bed space without any reaction.

I need to get him to training classes ASAP it seems. I need to know how to curb this as I want E&R to come over with little S to meet B-dog. But I don't want to do that if B-dog is growling at people he doesn't know.

I've felt so optimistic because B-dog has been so docile with us that when we suddenly bring a baby back with us it shouldn't be a problem, and now my nervousness has increased.

Man, I knew I was an over worrier before, but I have gone out of control with the worrying lately. I always thought I'd be okay with a baby, but now I'm starting to think that I'm going to make myself crazy when something finally happens.

I'm thinking of going to the store and picking up some flowers and playing in the garden.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Weekend goals

Our goal this weekend is to get B-dog to walk up and down the stairs by himself without coaxing. Last night it took him about 5 minutes to walk up the one flight for the first time. He was scared, but so happy to sleep in our bedroom.

I leave you with pictures of sleeping animals.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I'm feeling really disconnected from the world right now. I think part of it is because the people I know are no longer using Face.b00k. Maybe they're using Tw1tter or maybe they're using nothing, but there is not activity on fb for me any more.

I spend a lot of time walking the dog now, which is good for me physically and good for the zen relaxing. But I feel like I don't talk to anybody anymore, except for T. Work is pretty unfulfilling and I generally work quietly at my desk for most of the day. Then I come home and walk the dog and don't talk to anybody. And then I wait for T to come home. I definitely talk to him, and I enjoy talking to him, but I need more social interaction than that and I don't feel like I'm getting it.

I need to sign B-dog up for a training class with other dogs. Maybe that will help.

I hate feeling this isolated and disconnected, but that's where I am right now.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Saturday in the Park

This was our day yesterday:

T and I went to the park and walked B-dog around.

It was sunny and cool. He met some other dogs and we met a friend who also has a greyhound. We were pleased with his socializing with other dogs.

He had a checkup with the vet. Then we came home. It was a big day and B-dog needed some rest.

Show and Tell

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A dog's life

I've settled down from my panic. I didn't know I had that kind of panic in me. Boy-howdy that was nuts. (No, I'm not sure why I just said boy-howdy. It just seems to fit.)

I'm sleeping through the night and B-dog is sleeping through the night. He's learning not to bark so much -- it's much, much better. He's such a good dog and is learning more every day. He's a little bit afraid of traffic - loud noises really. But I coaxed him out of the house with some kibble and it was fine.

I've tried to give him all sorts of treats, but he hasn't really wanted anything but his actual dog food, which is weird.

But he loves to lie on his bed, and the cats are getting more and more used to him. He's a sweetie and a good boy.

I like having him here.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

It's my birthday

And I'm doing okay. This dog has distracted me from everything.

Yesterday morning I had a breakdown, though. Since we've got the dog I had been in a panic. I couldn't stop worrying. The cats were very upset and I felt like we threw our lives upside down for selfish reasons by getting this dog. I was completely freaking out. I couldn't sleep and I could barely eat, which isn't like me at all. T was worried beyond belief. I really felt like I couldn't do it. I had a therapy appointment and we talked about all this. I cried for an hour, almost hysterically.

I'm feeling a lot better today. B-dog (I know I put his name in here, but I'm going to call him this on the blog now, just to avoid this blog being found in error -- one mention is fine, but tons might throw off searching) is barking less, and he sat on his bed last night while I made dinner. The cats came downstairs and did some sniffing. There was no growling and they sat on our laps like they usually do. Not sure they'll all be best friends, but things are returning to normal.

B-dog did fine while we were at work. He is so, so happy when we get home. He has a long. long tail and it wags in a circle.

I think it's good that I freaked out, in a way. I mean, it's better for me to have freaked out over a dog than when getting a baby. I know I'm a worry wart, but I did not know that I had this panic inside of me. I do think that it was partially because I feel like I know how to take care of a baby bu I don't know how to care for a dog, and I was worried about combining the two.

Plus, if we're adopting a child, I just think it would be so wrong to give back a dog we adopted. That just doesn't sit right. I just felt like I had made a mistake.

But B-dog is getting used to us, the cats and the house. We are establishing a pattern. This is completely do-able. We're also thinking of getting some pet gates, which could double as baby gates. That way we can keep the dog out yet nearby and still be able to put the baby on the floor.

Anyway, just another day getting used to being dog owners. He's a good boy.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

It's going

In general, things with Bistro are going well. He is a bit more of a puppy than we had originally anticipated (he is 3), but if we walk him enough he does well. I'm a little nervous about tomorrow as he seems to really hate his crate, but he's not ready to be left alone out of it yet.

1) He's wearing a cone collar thing to stop him from licking a wound on his leg. He needs it. But it makes him really awkward.

2) The cats are still unsure about him -- especially the girl cat -- and I want them to be able to have free reign of the house and to be able to see him and get used to him with a wall between.

3) Because of his 'puppiness' he needs lots of walks and while we're at work we're not going to be able to walk him nearly as much which means he'll be less tired which means more chewing/wrecking type behaviors.

We've had him 48 hours so far, and he's generally doing great. He definitely has some separation anxiety, but it seems exacerbated by the crate. The first night he slept in the crate and I slept downstairs with him and he barked a lot. Last night we let him sleep downstairs outside of the crate and he did great! He barks sometimes, but he mostly seems to bark when he's in his crate, whether we're home or not.

I am the biggest worry wart in the world. I think this is what I've gotten out of all of this. I'm already thinking of what it will be like to have both a dog and a newborn. You know how you can usually leave a baby on the floor in the car seat? I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. We'll have to put the baby on the table.

I'm insane to be thinking of these things. I'm already worried that I won't be able to handle both the dog and the baby. I thought about this before, but I thought it would be okay. Thousands of people handle both a dog and a baby. Why am I any different from those people?

What is wrong with me!?!?

Friday, May 08, 2009

Thursday, May 07, 2009


I think we're ready. We have our crate, we have a new, huge water bowl which both cats have already used, and I put the cat food behind a door. We have a leash and some food and some treats.

Deep breaths.

This is my last night without a dog.

This might be the coolest birthday present ever. It's my birthday and mother's day in less than a week and I don't feel depressed! We're getting a dog!

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

PMS and decisions don't mix

The dog should be coming home with us on Friday. I'm happy and excited and nervous. Bringing home a retired greyhound is different from bringing home other dogs and involves a lot of reading. You can have a glimpse, if you like.

And then today the pottery place called to say that someone dropped the class and they have an opening, but now I don't want to take it any more. It's too much. Getting this dog is enough. When I didn't get into the class, I decided to get the dog. I'm much more interested in walking him and training him than taking pottery now. With the responsibilities of helping the dog adjust, I can't picture myself going during open studio time. I feel awful that I don't want to take the class any more, but alas I don't. Am I crazy? I feel crazy.

T and I have picked a name for the dog, but sometimes I think I like it and sometimes I don't. We wanted a name that was related to his racing name. This is (indirectly) related. I liked it a lot at first, but I'm having second thoughts.

We're also getting the stairs carpeted, and I need to do some sanding/cleaning/painting before they do that. I bought the stuff and got goaded into buying some ridiculously expensive paint that I'm now afraid to use.

And we need to dig up the front yard. I did some digging this past weekend, but it's very difficult and takes a long time.

How do people have energy to do things? I just don't get it. And I really don't get how, after working all day, people can come home and be a parent. I'm so cranky right now I could spit.

Oh, and I was walking around the office and the pregnant lady came out of an office and my former boss who I was walking with started talking about the baby (who though yet unborn she already called by name) and my boss started rubbing this woman's belly and they started talking about a baby pool for when the baby is going to be born and I did not know how to extricate myself. I was standing there freaking out, wanting to bolt but wanting to make an excuse. I tried to smile and say, "See ya!" and walk off and I think that's what I did, but I'm not sure. I can't even remember how it ended because I was so panicked.

PMS sucks.

I wish I could feel confident in t

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Dog Show and Tell

It's not final yet, and we're not 100% sure we can bring him home, but right now we have our eye on this guy.

Show and Tell

Genetics, children and the news

I found the craziest story on the web. You just have to read it. The subtitle is "Two Women Don't Match their Kids DNA -- It's a Medical Mystery" And granted, it is somewhat of an odd situation. Apparently different tissues in their bodies have different DNA -- their blood DNA didn't match the DNA of, for one woman, her thyroid. It's a very rare medical condition they call "chimerism."
However, the issue that I have with this story is this came up in one woman's life because she needed financial assistance from the state and she had to "prove" the children were "hers" via a DNA test. To quote from the article:

"As I sat down, they came up and shut the door, and they just went back and just started drilling me with questions like, 'Who are you?'" Fairchild said. The DNA test results challenged everything she knew about her family. Yes, her boyfriend was the father of the children, and, yes, they were all related, according to the DNA, except for Fairchild. She was told she wasn't the mother.
That's just fucked up. It continues:
Fairchild was not only denied government assistance for her young children, she was now suspected of possibly acting as a paid surrogate mother and committing welfare fraud. She was in danger of having her kids taken away for good. Fairchild said before she left, the social worker told her, "You know, we're able to come get your kids at any time." Fairchild began to panic. She knew they were her kids. So she rushed home to search for photos of her pregnancy and found her children's birth certificates. She told her parents, who couldn't believe the test results.
You just have to read this. I don't know what state this woman lives in, but it frightens me. It's horrible and awful and unfair and terrible. I hope someone is able to help her.

Saturday, May 02, 2009


I'm pleased it's the weekend. I was feeling a bit under the weather yesterday, but I came home early and took a nap, and then I slept for a good 9-10 hours last night. I hope I feel better this morning.

Today a Ravelry friend is going to bring her greyhound over so the cats can meet a dog for the first time. I hope it goes well, but I really have no idea what to expect.

Tomorrow I am going to have coffee and a crepe with the lovely Niobe, and then T and I are going to a greyhound kennel. There we can ask tons of questions and walk a few dogs. I'm hopeful this will 'get it out of my system' a little bit and I can calm down about this whole greyhound thing. Right now I'm completely obsessed.

It is May which is a tough month for me, and I'm feeling our 'wait' pretty heavily. T and I have decided to not use that facilitator and are instead going with a full service agency out of state. This probably means our wait will be a little bit longer, but it takes the pressure off of us to ensure proper dealings with birth families. I think the facilitator option would make me too crazy, and I really don't need anything that will make me crazier than I already am.

I have filled out the application and changed around our book a little bit. I think it is better. So we just need to print out the book and mail everything off. We're going to have to renew our homestudy in about October, so we've already been waiting 6 months with probably 12-18 more to go.

I just can't believe that I was pregnant twice when I was 33 and in two weeks I'm going to be 37 with another year of waiting.