It rained here all weekend. There's nothing like rain to keep one's mood down. Needless to say, I'm still feeling a bit down. I am doing slightly better, however, thanks to ultimatejourney and her hubby and the lovely dinner we had on Friday. It's nice to hang out with people who are in a similar situation, and I appreciate their help in talking to us about how they went about choosing a donor. Though we are not doing that as of yet, it's nice to be prepared.
My dinner with E also went nicely. It was really good to just spend some time together and eat (and drink Sangria --yum!). She came over for tea after dinner and we ended up hanging out until about quarter to 11, which is unheard of for both of us! She is weaning baby S, which is really liberating for her, but he is teething so his sleep continues to be an issue. He has never been a good sleeper, which really sucks. She had a big meeting at work, so her work should calm down a little, but she is feeling under-appreciated there which also sucks.
I also asked T that if our next IVF cycle should fail, should we try the old fashioned way one more time before we move on to donor. He agreed that we should probably do that. I know I'm putting the cart before the horse a bit with this, but I can't help thinking about all of this stuff.
I am still very worried that this micro-dose regimen will work well for me in terms of number of eggs, we'll get a healthy embryo to transfer, and it won't stick. I'm just really, really afraid of this happening. It's the worst way to go out, in my opinion. I'd rather have another poor response than know we had a chance and just didn't find the right medicinal protocol until the last try. I know I should let this go and just see what happens, but as you probably know I'm an over worrier.
I'm also really worried about passing this bt on to our kids. The PGD distinguishes between unbalanced embryos and ones that are either normal or carriers. If we get pregnant this way, we will not know if it is a carrier or not (unless we do amnio). Do we want to know? I mean, we can tell the kid it's a possibility, but is it something you would want to know your whole life? How does that work with dating? When do you tell someone that you might be infertile? How will it affect their life? I can go to my bt board and discuss this issue, but it's such a personal decision. I'm not sure what we would do. I know -- again, don't need to worry about it yet. But here I am, worrying.
My acupuncturist told me to stop worrying. Easier said than done, I guess. I try to distract myself, but I can only watch so much stupid tv, and that doesn't always work.
Today I'm going to try to buy myself some clothes that fit and a pair of earrings. Plus I need to buy some wool yarn. Then I have my knitting group at 4. We'll see which of these things I get done.
Oh, our RE appointment was moved up to tomorrow. So, T and I will go and talk about IVF #3 and donor sperm with him, and I will know a bit more about things tomorrow.
Life as an adoptive family.
My Story
- Rachel
- 4 miscarriages, 3 failed IVFs with PGD, 2 different sperm donors, 1 diagnosis of balanced translocation. Now we are the proud parents of a boy via domestic infant semi-open adoption. We had a failed match for kid #2 and are now matched again.
6 comments:
I'm sorry the weather didn't cooperate for you this weekend. Send some rain down here - we could use some in North Carolina!
I also understand what you mean about putting the cart before the horse: I am already thinking about potential next steps should our FET cycles not work, but really that's a long way off. Still it's good to think about these things slowly and in small doses. Maybe it will help you should you ever have to come to making those decisions.
Sorry the rain's bothering you. It's actually worked out well for me becuase we have a lot of indoor work that needs to be done.
In terms of passing on bt...when we thought IVF/ICSI might be an option, I was worried about passing along the azoospermia. However, B always pointed out that medical technology will be completely different by the time our kids would have to worry about that stuff. It's really true. You never know what they might be able to do by then. There might even be gene therapy that could correct bt. I think it's reasonable to focus on having a baby for now and worry about that later :)
Good luck tomorrow.
I hope the meeting with the RE goes well and that you feel better. I am a worrier too, I know it's easier said than done not to think about it. Maybe it's just our way of handling things, of feeling in control.
I can absolutely understand the temptation to put the cart before the horse. Thinking about the next step in case of failure of the current step is sensible. It allows you to keep in perspective the fact that this attempt isn't the end all be all, but just another step in your journey.
I do think that worrying about what your kids will tell their dates about the possibility of bt is a bit premature, though. After all, that will be their decision, not yours.
Good luck wrestling with all of this. I really hope that this cycle does the trick, and that you never need to think about the next step.
you have to put the cart before the horse. we always have to be thinking ahead to what the next steps will be. i find the whole thing so much easier to deal with when i feel like there's a plan. it doesn't mean it'll be no big deal if it doesn't work, it just means that there will be a path forward, so you're not grieving the lost cycle at the same time as trying to figure out what to do next. anything we can do to make it easier on ourselves is a good thing! all that said, of course i'm hoping you don't need the next step.
I hope that your meeting with your doctor goes well. I too have issues with passing on the bt. I wish there was a good answer to all of this. Thinking of you.
Post a Comment