Thursday, February 19, 2009

Vacation's all I ever wanted

Tomorrow is my last day at my old job! Yay! I'm so very happy about it.

Saturday we leave for Florida.

Things are hectic but fine. Didn't get the stuff off to the facilitator before we're leaving. I'm a little disappointed in myself for not doing it. I'm just not feeling settled about it, I guess. But we'll do that when we get home, I suppose. Right away. I'll finally have some flexibility to get to the post office anyway.

Have a good week everybody! Wish for good weather down there!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Feeling better

We're all feeling better. I'm still worried about T, but he is feeling fine. He'll see the doctor on Tuesday and I hope that I can convince him to exercise. I think it will help. I truly believe this was all related to stress and anxiety.

Last night we had dinner over with E&R and toddler S. S just loves my husband. S is a man's man and is really only interested in men. When we were walking up the stairs, S stuck his head out and looked at me and said T's name. He climbed all over T and had T read him books and wanted T to go in his room when it was time for bed. He's a good kid - so cute. He's become interested in anatomy and at one point asked T if he had a pen1s. E is trying to explain when it is okay to talk about these things and when it is not, but apparently this is a pretty common question S is asking of people -- making sure men have one and confirming that women don't, mostly. Sometimes he gets it wrong, but not often. It was funny.

I made more marshmallows for dessert. I messed up the first batch, so I had to do it twice. I melted the chocolate in the microwave which worked SO much better for me than doing it in a double boiler. I always seize chocolate, and this melt went perfectly. They were yummy.

Today I'm taking a friend down to the Scandinavian furniture store to get a bookshelf for her new apt. She just moved out from living with her husband. I have my dad's mini van since my car is in the shop.

Less than a week to FL. 4 more days in my old job.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

more sick

T came home sick on Tuesday. We went to bed pretty early.

T woke me up at about 4:30. He had been up for 45 minutes and his chest HURT. It wouldn't go away. It seemed to be getting worse. It wasn't burning or radiating, but it was BAD. We had to go to the ER.

Drove him there. It took forever. When we got to the desk, he couldn't even stand up.

He went in for tests. I really didn't think it was his heart because he had had 2 different stress tests not too long ago and some EKGs and they were all normal, but they had to test it. They gave him aspirin and nitroglycerine and then some morphine. The morphine didn't help. They gave him an x-ray and a CT scan. All negative.

They gave him some even stronger drugs and finally, finally he could actually sit still without writhing in pain. It was about 7am at this point.

They released him because they had no idea what was causing it. He has to follow up with is primary care doctor. He got some meds.

Now it's close to 8. I had been home for the past two days, so I had to go to work. I wanted to stay home with him, but I couldn't. So he went back to bed and I showered and went to work.

The meds seemed to help and went down to just ibuprophen by evening. He was even better this morning. But I'm still super worried about him. Then he had a work disaster today and didn't even leave the office until almost 7pm. (It's ten til right now and he may have just left just now.)

He works too hard. I think it was caused by stress. He won't work less hard and I'm worried this will happen again. I need him to exercise and he doesn't.

But he is a bit better. But I remain very worried.

Tomorrow is Friday. No work on Monday. We leave for FL one week from Saturday.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


I left work at about 11:30 yesterday and stayed home today. I was running a fever. Poor T seems to have it now, too. Luckily I seem to be getting better and I should be go to go back to work tomorrow.

Heard back from the friend I emailed about being a waiting family. She was understanding and said she had some friends who dealt with infertility and 'ended up' adopting. She asked if we were going overseas or staying in the US and told me that if I didn't want to talk about it, she'd understand. So that went ok. I guess it went about as I expected it.

All of my relatives have started joining F@ceb00k now, including my dad and my aunt so I'm getting weary of the whole thing. So maybe I'll be less obsessed with it.

I have exactly 7 more working days at my current job. It's longer than a week because there's a long weekend in between, but it's getting there.

Sunday, February 08, 2009


Still haven't heard from F@ceb00k friend w/kids. Not sure how often she logs in, though. I can't seem to stay away from that stupid site, even though in some ways I want to.

Now my relatives are starting to find me.

Got a spaetzle press for Chanukah and I'm going to try making it with some beef stroganoff tonight. Yum.

Went to the store and bought a box of cake mix and frosting because it was on sale. I can smell the cake as it bakes right now. I really need to lose some weight and did start up exercising again, but I just can't help myself with some sweet snacks. I had been eating well, but on Friday I had a donut and some fried food. I've been eating out all week. Maybe it will be okay because I'm going to exercise tomorrow. I bought some bananas. That's good, right? I need to control my eating.... and help T control his.

It's really warm here today, but I'm not doing anything. Cooking and laundry is about it -- plus I'm working on knitting a gift for one of my nieces. It's coming along, but I think I need an extra needle for it. I'll have to see.

Weekends can be so weird.

Thursday, February 05, 2009


I sent an email to one of those friends from F@ceb00k. Told her we were waiting. Now I'm waiting for a response.

Waiting is hard.

Have a different friend who had a BFN after her first IUI. My heart breaks. I hate seeing people I care about have this kind of pain. It also makes me re-live mine.

Tomorrow is Friday, so only 2 more weeks until vacation. I'm holding my breath.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Coping strategies

I need to learn how to deal with things.

Like I've seen a lot of other people mention, I have a F@ceb00k profile. On this site I am finding a lot of former classmates and friends I've lost touch with. Inevitably, as I'm in my mid-thirties, I get friended, get the, "Hi Rachel! How are you? We have two kids now! Blah blah blah, we're busy but happy!" Sometimes they want to visit. Sometimes their kids play with someone else I know's kids. Sometimes they're super-important and have had high powered jobs and sometimes they took time off to take care of their multiple children.

How do I respond to all of this? Do I tell them we're waiting to adopt? Do I not? Do I just say where I work and that we have our house?

Sometimes I feel like I should just stay away from it, but I can't seem to. But seeing all of these people fruitful and multiplying makes me totally bummed and I don't know how to respond to them. I'm one of the few people that actually enjoyed high school. I mean, I didn't enjoy all of it, but my circle of friends was a good one, and if I ignored a certain section of high school people, it was a pretty good time in my life. One of the best, actually.

I'm terrified of contacting old friends now. I feel like such a constant failure at career and family. I don't like to talk to people because I see how successful they are -- financially, career-wise and with children. I just don't know what to do or say or how to react.

Should I just stop logging in to F@aceb00k? What do I do?

I wish I had more self confidence with these things.