We met with the RE yesterday. We are going ahead with the micro-dose flare protocol. I have been on BCPs for a week now, so I have about two weeks before I start injections again. This time, it's twice a day. The antagonist protocol I was on last time was for 'poor responders' too, and I didn't respond well to that one, so I'm not sure what will happen, but Mary Ellen and a knitting friend of mine both had good responses to the micro-dose protocol, so we shall see. I remain both skeptical and fearful.
I also asked about donor insemination. The RE said that there's no great reason why I should do a medicated protocol since I've been pregnant on my own before. I mentioned how I got pregnant right after going off BCPs and asked if I should self medicate that way, and he thought that was a good idea. He referred us to a couple clinics that will do a donor IUI for $200 (plus the cost of sperm, which is around $500 - $1000). I don't expect insurance to cover this, so that seems like a good deal to me.
I also think we will try on our own once or twice before we move on to donor sperm. After all, we could get pregnant the regular way. It's happened to people with a bt before. You just never know, and I feel we should try at least one more time on our own before moving on to donors.
T is sad about all of this, naturally. I remain numb. I feel like I have given up hope that we will have a (dually) biological child. I feel ready to move on, and the idea that a donor cycle is probably 6 months away for us is driving me a little crazy. But if we're doing another IVF cycle and we're trying on our own first, that's what it's going to be, especially if I'm going to go on the pill to try to self medicate myself.
I keep telling myself that one day all of this will be over, and we will have our kids (kid?) and we'll just have scars, but it's really difficult to imagine that right now.