Friday, January 28, 2011

Dog decisions

The rescue hasn't called me back as of yet.

Bdog just made it up the back stairs.

I feel stuck. On one hand I want to send Bdog back to the rescue to find another home while he's still young and pretty rescue-able. I love him and I want the best for him. I fear that once we have a second child I will absolutely not be able to handle him and that if I wait another year or two before sending him back, things will be worse for him. I fear that as H gets more and more active, the dog will have less and less tolerance for him. Bdog has growled at both H and a 3-year-old visitor at our home.

On the other hand, I want to push through this. When the snow melts, things won't be as bad. I'll be able to walk with a stroller again and being outside with Bdog and H will be much more pleasant.

I don't want to be one of those people who takes a dog into her home and then gives it back. I've always felt those people are irresponsible and I consider myself very responsible. I made a commitment and I need to see it through. I should enlist a behaviorist and possibly put Bdog on some medication to make him less anxious.

But honestly, I don't want to put that much work into a dog. It's difficult enough for us to have a child. Why should having a dog be this difficult? I just feel like I want to be free.

I still don't know what I'm going to do.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


The dog now outright refuses to come up the back stairs. I just left a message at the rescue to see what bringing him back would entail. I can't handle having a dog anymore.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I have an ethical question that I'm even too afraid to ask here. I scheduled an appointment with my therapist next week to discuss it. I'm feeling confused. I feel like I can't talk about it with anyone but T and my therapist. I don't even want to talk to my mom about it.

What do you do when you're in a situation like that? Is there anything that feels so secret to you that you're afraid to even talk about it anywhere?

How can that not eat you up? I'm a talker by nature.

In other news, we're going to FL the first week in March. We're going to be able to visit with CC and O., most likely. I'm a little nervous but mostly excited about that.

Also, we've had enough snow here, thanks. I'm ready for spring.