Now that we know we have to choose a donor, the question is how. How do I choose the man whose sperm is going to replace my husbands?
Height, weight, eye and hair color?
Aptitude for math?
Shy but loving?
Blood type and family history?
We can't have everything. What should we sacrifice and what should we insist upon?
Before talking to our RE for follow up, I was sure we would go to one of the AI clinics for insemination. But the process is pretty insane, and I'm not sure if I have the patience for it. I want to do an insemination in about 6 weeks. I have already charted. In fact, I got pregnant three times via charting. We are well educated about this process. We have had every test imaginable, and we just want to move forward. So, after exploring the possibilities, I now want to try insemination from home for at least one cycle. T is not so enthusiastic about this idea. However, I am hoping to change his mind. I want to try one cycle -- just one -- from home. If that doesn't work, then we can go do something more intensive. We have been pregnant on the first try THREE times directly after me going off the pill. I will start the pill as soon as I start bleeding, so I just don't see why we can't do it our way one time. I understand why it leaves a bad taste in T's mouth, but he saw my embryo transfer, and lying there on the table with four people in the room and me spread-eagle and naked from the waist down seems something to avoid if I can.
I have a few 'favorites' from the sperm banks, but T and I have yet to go over them together. we should do that soon because there are bunches of paperwork to take care of before we can have the sperm in our (or the clinic's) grubby little hands.
This is still feeling overwhelming, but I am so eager to leave the depression behind and get the family stuff moving forward. This pain will be reduced when a baby is on the way. I have posted on a donor sperm site, and many have reached out to support me. I appreciate that. They remind me that what is important is that we will love our children more than we can imagine, and that most of the time we won't even think about the donor issue. I know that is true, but I still feel like we have to climb over an emotional hurdle to get there.
This will be my last post for a while. Happy Independence Day to my US friends. We are off to watch fireworks tonight, tomorrow I am visiting E and baby S (he turned 1 yesterday) and then I will have lunch with the lovely LIW. Then, Thursday night we are taking the ferry to Martha's Vineyard and won't be back until Monday night. I may be able to post from the Vineyard, my parents will be around and they don't know about my blog (and I don't want them to), so we shall see.
Life as an adoptive family.
My Story
- Rachel
- 4 miscarriages, 3 failed IVFs with PGD, 2 different sperm donors, 1 diagnosis of balanced translocation. Now we are the proud parents of a boy via domestic infant semi-open adoption. We had a failed match for kid #2 and are now matched again.
4 comments:
You do have some tough decisions ahead but you and T can make it through. Take care and have a nice few days away.
You do have a lot of decisions to make about how to got about the cycle, but you've made the important one: you will be doing a donor cycle, somehow. I hope you can take a break this weekend and not worry too much.
I hope this time away for the weekend will help with the decision making. Best wishes that this is THE cycle however you decide to proceed.
I hope you're having a nice relaxing getaway on the Vineyard. You're right that you have some emotional hurdles to overcome, but the reward on the other side is well worth the effort.
On a more practical note, is there a reason you can't do an unmedicated, unmonitored cycle with your RE and only pay for the IUI? If I hadn't opted for meds, my cycle would've involved peeing on OPKs and calling the RE when I got a positive. Assumably the clinic's only charge for the cycle would've been the IUI itself. Does our clinic charge an outlandish amount of money for the IUI?
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