Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Crap Weather

All of those April showers that we never got are here. I don't think the sun is supposed to shine for almost a week. The lack of sunshine tends to get me down. I'm a little bit worried about my potted plants. I hope that the pots drain well and they don't drown. The basil looks a little flattened, but otherwise they all look fine so far. No gardening for me this weekend, apparently.

I was able to do my stats homework, and it's not even due until next week. Good for me! I'm really hoping I can do the final. I'm feeling a little better about it, but I remember feeling that way for the midterm. I need to review the midterm soon. Sigh.

I was a little bit busier at work on Monday and today. It's amazing how much better I do when I'm busy at work. I really hate not having enough to do. My boss is leaving for vacation tomorrow, so there will be no additional projects until after she comes back. I have one side project I'm working on, but I'm very close to needing a meeting to move on further. I'll do that when she returns, I suppose.

I don't know what kind of work I'm qualified for, though, if I were to look for another job. I look around for other jobs here at the hospital, but I just don't seem qualified to do anything. I think I'm ready for a 'supervisory' job, but all those jobs require supervisory experience, which I don't have. I don't know what to do with my working life.

One week until tomorrow until the big IVF meeting. I'm a little nervous. We need to fill out our forms. I read on the web somewhere that karotyping takes 2 weeks, and I didn't have my blood taken for the karotyping until exactly two weeks before the IVF meeting due to the many lab fuckups, so I don't know if it will be in by the time we have our meeting. This pisses me off. It better be done. I'm going to call the IVF place tomorrow to check up that all the information has been sent over in preparation for our visit.

I'm sort of dreading this visit now. I'm not exactly sure why. I am looking forward to a sperm analysis, but aside from that, I don't want to go anymore. I mean, I'm definitely going. No question. I'm not thinking about cancelling. I am just feeling -- I don't know what the word is. I want to say dread, but that's not excatly right. Hesitancy? Resistance? I don't know. But I feel like I don't want to go. I feel like they're going to push us for this 'medical solution' that I'm not sure is the proper answer for us at this time. I mean, how do they benefit from us not doing IVF and PGD? They don't. I'd be surprised if they say it's not the right time to try it yet. But that's how I'm personally feeling right now. I guess I shouldn't put words into these people's mouths. I should let the thing go forward by itself. I just have to wait.

My thoughts and hugs and support and everything else to Mary Ellen and Steve who need it right now. Hugs. Just hugs.

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