I just found this website that says that the 5 stages of greif is too limited for traumatic loss/experience. Instead, they talked about Grief Work. It is defined as TEAR:
T = To accept the reality of the loss
E = Experience the pain of the loss
A = Adjust to the new environment without the lost object
R = Reinvest in the new reality
This is recognizable to me. This is what we are going through.
So I think T and I have come to an agreement. We are adjusting to the environment. We are going to ttc next month. We are not cancelling our appointment next week. We are not ruling out that we may need IVF with PGD in the future. We just know that we have a long wait for all of this IVF stuff to work out, and we probably need more 'proof' that IVF is necessary for us. So, we have to try again. We know this poses some additional risks, but we really don't see an alternative. This is scary, but it's what's happening. Who knows We could end up with a baby. It's not impossible. We also could end up having to terminate or simply miscarrying. Any combination of those things could happen as well. I guess what's important is that we feel like this is the right decision for us at this time. Things may change, but this is where we are now.
I feel like it's such a time to be in this place. It's nearly my birthday, it's mother's day and we have an appointment with an IVF place in a week.
I think I'm feeling a bit better with this decision. T and I went out last night to watch the Sox lose to the Yankees. We drank beer and were sarcastic and smiled and laughed. It felt good. I felt like we hadn't done that for a while. It was nice. It was good. I want to feel like that more.