Things are happening

My follicle count this morning had 4 measurable follicles on each ovary. That's 8, folks. And I think there were a couple of smaller ones still growing. The lead follicle was pretty big. So, it's just one monitoring for me. I trigger Saturday night, and retrieval is Monday. It's funny how I feel like I knew from the start that my retrieval would be Monday. Who needs a doctor for this process? Oh, except for the retrieval.

Saturday night is also the BBISP (Big Boston Infertile Sleepover Party) so I'm hoping that's a good omen. I'm not sleeping over (nor am I drinking) but I'm hoping the synchronicity is a good omen.

I didn't cry after this follicle count. I think this is the first time. I think it was a combination of the number not being too bad and my lack of hope for this cycle. It has a chance to work, but it probably won't. That's all there is.

I have my list of fears for this cycle. We may not have as many follicles as we like. We might have follicles but not a lot of eggs. We may have a lot of eggs but no healthy embryos. We may have a healthy embryo but it won't stick. This last one is the big one. My hugest fear. There it is. In black and white.

But now I have a little more info. The follicle count, while better, still doesn't indicate there will be more than 10 eggs, so our chances are still pretty small. But here we go. This is it. The final cycle. I want to say that I hope it works, but I don't think I can go there. But deep down inside, that is what I want.