still 3%

The worst part of this process, in my opinion, is the morning of the transfer when we are waiting for that phone call to be canceled. We know it is coming, but we have to spend the morning pretending it's not, just in case a miracle happens. I was very concerned because I had acupuncture scheduled, and I didn't want to go in to acupuncture before we were certain there would be a transfer. We started driving to the clinic and I stared at my phone to ring. It finally did when we were about ten minutes away.

One of the cells from one of the embryos they biopsied had no nucleus. When there is no nucleus, they cannot see the chromosomes in order to perform PGD. Two of our embryos came back from PGD and were diagnosed as unbalanced. Though they may have grown normally, as some of our other unbalanced embryos have, we know they are not healthy and they will be discarded. The remaining one, we know became a blastocyst, but has completely unknown chromosomal status. We could transfer it and wait, or discard it.

We chose to transfer it. How could we not?

We asked what it meant that it didn't have a nucleus. Dr. On Call said it could be a sign that it's not a good embryo and it won't implant, or it could be just a fluke. The embryo could have healthy chromosomes, or it could be an unbalanced embryo. We just have no way of knowing. He did recommend transferring it, though, since it is our last IVF and we don't want to leave IVF and move on to donor with anything left out there as a 'what if.' He is right. It just means more uncertainty and more waiting.

So, I've finally had an embryo transfer. I even did the pre- and post-transfer acupuncture. The chances of this embryo being healthy is incredibly small, but this is what we had to do. T and I agreed that we are totally done if this doesn't work. We will not try on our own again. If this doesn't work we are going straight to donor.

So, maybe it will stick and maybe if it won't. I'm kind of dreading the possibility of having a fourth miscarriage. I'm not even sure what to hope for. Do I want a BFP? I can't tell. A BFP will only mean more waiting. I'm terrified of delaying this process more. I was looking for some closure today, and of course we didn't get any. But, there is the smallest of tiniest chances, and we couldn't just dispose of that tiny chance like it was garbage.

So, beta is set for Monday July 2, but you can bet a million dollars that I will POAS one week from today. That will be 7dp5dt. That's plenty of time for the stick to know.