Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Busier is better

My temp job is going pretty well. It's not glamorous. It's very simple and straightforward, and I'm not using my Master's Degree, but it keeps me busy, it brings in some money, and I don't really have to think about much while I'm there. I like it. It's working for me right now. Don't know how long that will last, but for now it's pretty good.

Of course, there's a very pregnant woman in the office. She's due in 4 weeks. It's her first. They talk about it in the office all of the time. I was shocked at how okay I have been with it. I don't see her and get upset or angry. Seeing her, I was taken aback a bit, but it didn't trigger tears or any huge, sad feeling. I even talked to her about it a bit.

There was one time when the baby was pressing against her ribs and they were talking about it that I really, really wanted her to go away, but aside from that I've been remarkably okay. I'm not sure where that's coming from.

There was one time when she was sitting out with me, and I asked her a few questions to try and make myself feel better. I didn't get how long they've been married, but they bought their house more recently than we did. And she's only known her husband a 'few years' she said, so it's not like they've been together forever. So I couldn't feel any better about the status of things that way. If they had been together a lot longer, I could feel a little bit better about the situation. But no, it seems she's a regular fertile who probably got pregnant through sex within 6 months of trying and never thought about it again. Sigh. But still, I'm not feeling awful about it.

The Cl0mid is having fewer side effects this time around. I think I've only had one hot flash. I don't feel my ovaries. I'm not sure if it has any meaning. Tonight is my last dose. The IUI will probably be in about a week. I'm not thinking about it much this time around.

My interview went well, but I really don't think I want the job. T thinks I should consider it more than I am. I dunno. I guess I'll see if they want me. But I just don't feel like taking a real job right now. Though, it would be a bunch more money. I just want to work this job for a couple of months and just calm down before taking anything, though.

I'm yearning for calm.


niobe said...

It really seems like there's no way to escape all those pregnant women. Funny, they didn't seem to cluster around me before.

Anonymous said...

I hope you find the calm you are looking for.

mary ellen said...

Glad that the temp job isn't awful. Hang in there sweetie.

Anonymous said...

Another one clustering around you, virtually speaking at least :)

Wishing you your calm dear Rachel, definitely hang in there HUGS from me