Lovely Weather

Today was beautiful. E&R came over with baby S and I gave them the hat. It fits him perfectly! It was gorgeous out, so we took a walk to a popular city square near our house and had lunch. I think I got a little sunburn on my neck, but the weather was lovely, and it was great to get the exercise. Little S is really getting big. He's standing up well and moving around while holding on to things. He looks and acts so much like R, it honestly makes me a little sad. I look in his face and I see R. I just think about how we will look in our child's face and without even knowing it, we will see the donor. I mean, I know we will love our child and everything will be fine. And I know we will even see parts of T in our child. But it will just never be like the way I see R in baby S, and that just makes me sad. I honestly don't think that part of the loss will ever completely go away. I think it will diminish some once we have a baby to love, but I don't think it will ever completely go away.

I am still on a hat knitting kick. I have made a second hat like the one I made for S. Now I am making a little strawberry hat for T's boss's baby that will be born in September. I also made the baby this teddy bear.
I think I will put the hat on the bear when I give it to them.

Tomorrow, I am going to try to get my hair cut, go to therapy and go see my career counselor. I'm excited to tell her about my job interview. It's related to education, which is what I have my master's degree in, so I am pretty excited about it.

It's been a nice weekend. We had friends over on Saturday night just hanging out. We grilled and we made vegies from our CSA box. We sat there in our living room, and I felt very grown up. Sometimes the fact that I'm a 35-year-old adult who is married and owns a house freaks me out a little. I don't feel that different inside than I did when I was in college. I mean, I feel a little bit different, but not enough to be a real grown-up person, I guess. My mom tells me that she can't believe that she's an old lady, so I guess it's a different view of the same thing. Time is such a strange animal.