My understanding of being open with a child about his or her origins means making sure she (I will refer to said child as she for the rest of this post, simply because it is easier) has always known about them. That means, before she can talk or read or understand, we are going to repeat her story to her. Her story is her story. It isn't good; it isn't bad; it is simply her story. She will grow up knowing it, and though she may not fully understand its implications, she will have no memory of not knowing it.
I am going to put together a book and read it like a good night story to her. Every child loves to hear her birth story, and our child will be no different. Her story may be a little different, but she will simply always know it as her story and will not know any different. It will simply be a small part of who she is.
When she is four, she may decide to tell random people parts of her story. She may react to something someone says to her with parts of her story. Her story will be out there. The question is how to prepare others for this possible situation.
T and I need to talk about this. I think it is better if people just know. I think he doesn't want to share as much. I don't mean that we should tell strangers on the street, but some of his closer coworkers, maybe. Aunts and uncles and cousins should know. If people know, they will not be shocked if it comes out of the kid. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is simply part of who she is. If it is just the way it is, then why wouldn't everybody know?
I don't know how T will feel about this. I don't know when it will be time to share the information with other people. I do know that we have to absorb this information into our lives and accept it with our hearts and our souls because this is how we are going to bring our child into the world. And we have to share this with our child completely.