Today is 5 dpo. Every time I pee, I feel myself up to see if my b00bs hurt. They don't. I know that doesn't mean anything, but I want them to hurt. Still temping, but that doesn't tell me anything either. I just need to wait. Waiting sucks.
Had a lovely dinner with a fellow BT-er. It's so nice to be able to sit and talk about all of this stuff frankly, without worrying about boring the other person with infertility stories. I was telling her that in the throes of my whirlwind IVF cycles, I truly had nothing to say to fertiles with kids or friends who have chosen childlessness. I couldn't talk about anything other than my cycle.
Now it seems I can't tire of telling my story. Our story. It's definitely a story of both T and me, but I'm the sharer in the family. I just want to tell it to anyone and everyone. I'm not sure why it's so cathartic to share my story. I mean, it clearly works for me, which is why I have this blog. But when someone emails me out of the blue, or if I email someone and they respond, somewhere in that communication is this story.
I wonder if this is the story we will share with our child. I mean, in the beginning it will need some amending. We don't need to include all of the heartbreak. The heartbreak will not be there for our child. Her life will simply be her life, and we want her to to be proud of that life and have no shame in it. So, we're going to have to learn how to frame this story so that it has less heartbreak and more happiness.
I'm sure that will be much easier when we have an actual, real live baby around. It's pretty difficult to imagine right now.
Hopefully, I only have one more week at work. There is a chance that I will have to go in for a couple of more days after that, but I'm hopeful that I can wrap everything up by next week. We shall see. I am so thankful that I quit this job. People at work have been telling me that I look much happier now that I gave my notice. So, it must have been the right decision. Tomorrow I have an interview with a temp agency and an interview with a recruiter for a specific job. All good.