I think I might be pg. I know I said I thought the timing wasn't right, but I think I was wrong. My bbts are up, I had an implantation dip, my boobs are sore, and I'm more hungry and tired than usual. I feel horrible writing 'infertility' in the subtitle of my blog because clearly, we aren't 'infertile'. It's just that every time we get pregnant, there is a big chance that we will miscarry (or have a baby that will be severely ill or die within a few days of being born). There exists the possibility that we will have a healthy baby. There is also a chance that our healthy baby will have to go through this exact same tormenting process when he or she tries to have a baby. But, in light of recent events, infertility isn't the right word. Does anybody have a better word for me?
I will POAS this coming weekend. I feel like I should feel lucky that I so easily get pregnant and that we might be having a baby, but I am feeling quite ambivalent. I can't get attached to this pregnancy until I know it's a healthy one, and I won't know that until they can do a CVS which is around 11 weeks. So we'll see how long this lasts. I know I don't know 'officially' that I'm pg yet, but I just know that I am right now, and even if AF comes at the regular time, I know from my body signs that there was fertilization this cycle.
So I had another meeting at my new job today. It was intense. My new boss wanted to have a weekly meeting at 7:30 am. There is a monthly 7:30 meeting that I agreed to right off the bat, but I just can't do that on a weekly basis. I rely on Mr. T for a ride to the subway in the morning, and I just think it's asking a lot to expect me to leave my house before 7. In addition to that, I got some homework. I have to read a clinical book and create a powerpoint presentation about one of the chapters. At least that stuff doesn't start until after I actually start. As perhaps you can tell, I was feeling a little bit scared about the new job today. I already have three additional work assignments in addition to the powerpoint presentation, and I haven't even had my first day yet! But at least I won't be bored, and my new officemate seems really nice. Can't go back now! Full speed ahead!