Wednesday, June 14, 2006


I have a headache. Again. I'm also exhausted. Again. Last night I went to bed around ten before ten. The Sox went into extra innings (and lost spectacularly, apparently) and Mr. T stayed up to watch the end. He came to bed around midnight, which of course woke me up. I then couldn't fall back asleep. We started talking a little. He drifted off, but I was tossing and turning. Somehow this turned into a huge fight, at least for us. I was having trouble sleeping because I couldn't stop myself from worrying, mostly about work. He said, "Just stop!" I determined that this was not particularly helpful, and it escalated from there. He fell asleep, but I went and watched HGTV for an hour or so. I went to sleep pretty angry, which I heard is not a good thing to do. It's probably true because I woke up angry. We talked a bit about it in the morning, and Mr. T said he realized he wasn't being particularly helpful, but when he wakes up from just starting to fall asleep he gets incredibly cranky. I have seen that before, but it didn't turn into the monstrosity that came up last night. I just want to make sure it doesn't happen again. I'm not sure we got to that point, but things are more back to normal now. Also, my being most likely particularly hormonal isn't helping the situation either.

This has led me to worry more about the new job. At my current job, I'm totally left alone all the time. I usually like this. I like to be given a few tasks, and then to be left on my own to complete them, with a person around to answer reference questions if need be. I explained this in my interview. Right now I feel like I'm a student being told exactly what to do, and I don't even start working until Monday. Part of this is hormones and part of it is just culture shock, I'm sure. But I hope it calms down soon. I didn't expect to be reacting this way so quickly with my new job. I knew it was going to be a change, but I guess I'm simply starting to see people's true colors. Mr. T is trying to convince me that it will settle down and promises that I didn't make the wrong decision, but it's difficult for me to completely believe this right now. I'm also thinking that I should have taken a week off in between jobs, but I felt strong pressure to start soon.

Sometimes I worry that I always make the toughest choices for myself. But I had strong support all around for this new job. The old one wasn't working anymore, and I needed something new. This is all probably new job jitters, and things will smooth out soon enough.

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