Friday, June 16, 2006

Feeling sad

Today is a day of change. Though I know I am doing the right thing by leaving this job, I am feeling sad. Sad because here on my last day I will sit in my office with no windows by myself, like I do every day. Now, I shouldn't be sad because in my new job I share my office with someone and there are two HUGE windows. But I also realize that even though I am earmarked for a supervisory position in my new job, when I begin my job I am taking a position that is exactly the same as the 22-year-old who graduated college in May. I have a Master's degree and 10 years of working experience, and we have the same job. I'm sure I make more money than she does, but that's not the point. I find that frustrating. I hope in 6 months that I'm not in the same place. And the woman who is my boss, who started off so soft-spoken and kind, is scaring me a little with her expectations. We have a work reading group where we have to do presentations from chapters in a clinical book, she wants us to take classes in clinical research, and there is pressure to be in at 7:30 in the morning for meetings and whatnot. That last one is the one that pisses me off the most. I can handle learning about the doctor's specialty, and I just finished my biostats class so perhaps I am exempt from having to take a class. I'm just not sure why I have to suffer because she chooses to live in the lame suburbs.

I'm also sad because my temp was down again today. I told myself that I didn't want to be pg this month with the new job and all, but I realize that I was fooling myself. I want nothing more than to have a baby on the way. This also means that I will not be pg when E has her baby. When E gives birth, I will most likely be in the midst of the next 2ww. Plus it is father's day on Sunday and we will be getting together with my family, and no doubt Mr. T will be sad. I am sad when Mr. T is sad.

Tonight Mr. T and I are going out to celebrate my last day at work. It's my choice. I'm thinking I want fried clams, but I could rethink my choice and get steamers instead.


Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am so sorry Rachel. I know that this stuff can be so hard. Hugs to you.

Hopeful Mother said...

Enjoy your night out tonight with Tabor - celebrate the change. I hope the new job will work out for you, but I certainly understand your concerns and feelings.

Support each other on Father's Day - it's definitely got to be rough on the guys too.

Angie said...

I'm glad you realize that this is hard on Tabor too. As wannabe mommies, I think sometimes women forget that this is hard on the men too.