Sunday, October 19, 2008

All's Quiet

I finished my three adoption books. I think I learned a lot from them. I gave Secret Thoughts to my mother to read because I thought it would help her understand better. My brother and SIL never said much about L's adoption and how she or they would approach the issues that might come up. They didn't educate us much about adoption. It was never a secret or something shameful. It just was.

Now that we're approaching becoming adoptive parents, we're taking a very different stance. We want to tell everybody all about it. Once an actual baby comes home things will shift, but we want to educate first. I think some of the differences between our situations is that they choose adoption after they had been matched -- it was a parent initiated adoption. They never went into a waiting pool so the situation was very different.

Anyway, if you haven't read The Kid by Dan Savage, I can't recommend it enough. Though there are some differences in the situation as they are a gay couple and didn't deal with infertility in the same way most of us have, he is sensitive to the concept of infertility, and he really speaks to openness in adoption and the implications of raising a child genetically related to someone else.

The most insightful part to me is when they take The Kid home and how it affects his birth mother as well as how it affects Dan and Terry. It is incredibly moving, and it really encapsulates all of the difficulties that are part of the adoptive process. To enter into adoption with eyes wide open is incredibly important, and it helped me to share their story and do just that. Along with the birth mothers I heard from a couple weeks ago at our Adoption Agency meeting and this book, I feel like I am preparing myself for what adoption will truly be like.

So, I'm still feeling contemplative about all of this. Doing a lot of thinking and not a lot of doing. Not much else is going on. The weather is getting cold, the leaves are turning, and I'm thinking about life.

Oh, and I think T and I have decided to sell our two vials of donor sperm back to the cryobank. I don't think we're going to do any more dIUIs.

And if the Routan commercials with Brooke Shields piss you off as much as they piss me off, complain to them by clicking on Contact Us at the bottom of this page. I told them that I now hate the Volkswagen brand since they started these commercials -- and I used to own one.


Almamay said...

I think the changing of the seasons does make you think more. I'm in that place too.

Thank you for the thoughtful post. x

luna said...

I loved "the kid" and my hub just finished it. he cited the same passage you refer to as very moving.

I also hate those VW commercials. you'd think since brooke shields was also an infertile and required IVF for her kids she'd be a little more sensitive, no?

Natalie said...

I hate those damn commercials. I actually have to turn the channel when they come on (very rare for me).

I'm glad you're reading a lot and learning. It sounds like you're sorting so much out in your head. Hugs.

Samantha said...

The Kid was a tremendous book. Savage had such a thoughtful and funny way of describing the whole process. I was never think of adoption the same way since reading his book.

Those VW commercials are horrible!

chicklet said...

I may have to pick me up some of them books. As for the ad, I watched with the sound off and even THAT pissed me off. It's just too much.

Leslee said...

I'm so glad you loved The Kid. I gleaned from it what you did and felt so much more confident after reading it.

I hadn't seen the VW commericals, but SHEESH! I have now... what was she thinking????

beagle said...

OK, I am going to buy the kid today. I think it's great that you are having your mother read a book as well.

ultimatejourney said...

Sounds like there are a lot of resources out there for adoption -- great to hear you're taking advantage of them and getting as comfortable as possible with the process.