So, in my sadness I bought some books. I bought the Dan Savage The Kid book, Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother and Making Room In Our Hearts. I'm almost done with Secret Thoughts. It makes a lot of sense to me. It is good to be reading these things and putting myself in someone else's head, I think. She has gone through this and is just writing what she feels. It's almost like reading someone's blog, I think.
In Making Room, it is really interesting to read the birth parents' point of view and the adoptees' point of view of how all of this open adoption stuff works. What I especially like is it's the perspective of older children or adoptees that are now adults and have grown up with open adoption. This is the part that I feel the least comfortable with. It's not the part while we're raising our children that freaks me out as much as what happens after our children are adults. So, this book is helping me get a peek of what it will be like.
I spoke again with our facilitator last night. I still like her. I think I may even start filling out her application. I really think we will be going in that direction, but I don't want to commit until we have our agency meeting that discusses search expansion. I told this to her and she understood. She thinks it's good that we are doing all of this research before making a commitment. She understands that this is an important decision and it has to be the right fit. This is why I like her.
T has to work today, so I am home by myself. I think I may go to a craft store that is closing and see what is left and on sale. I am also going to work more on the book. It is done, but we decided to double side it so I need to move things around so that the holes we punch in it don't pierce any words or pictures.
Hanging in....
Life as an adoptive family.
My Story
- Rachel
- 4 miscarriages, 3 failed IVFs with PGD, 2 different sperm donors, 1 diagnosis of balanced translocation. Now we are the proud parents of a boy via domestic infant semi-open adoption. We had a failed match for kid #2 and are now matched again.
5 comments:
Good to hear about the books that you are reading. DH and I have just briefly touched on all the children up for adoption through foster/adopt. I think that might be the best route for us because it's not as expensive and there are so many children in need. (although I would love to have a newborn at 45 y/o, I like my sleep!) It is always good to hear from you!
Dan Savage's "The Kid" is a good one. We are using the same agency that he did, and that book really helped us understand the open adoption process.
glad to hear you are reading up. I just did a post on books too. I haven't read the "secret thoughts" book.
I think the more honest and open you are about your child's story from an early age -- so that adoption is a normal part of your life -- the more comfortable the whole family can be with it, including the child as s/he grows into an adult.
personally, I also think that's why having openness with birth family is so important, so the as the child grows s/he can have not just the knowledge but the relationship and the ability to ask direct questions. though I realize that doesn't always happen, for any number of reasons.
I think we can't know now what will happen then, we can just prepare ourselves to be the best (adoptive) parents we can be.
I've just read The Kid and it was really fun, and a quick read. Although you may need to avert your eyes at some points - remember he is a sex columnist!
:-)
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