Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I hate

Do you know what I hate? I hate when people I went to high school with show up unexpectedly in my life. Then I see how successful they are and how they have kids and have accomplished things in their life when I, who usually was better than them in school, have no career, a crappy job and no kids. I sit there, seeing them in all of their adult success while I have to sit there and feel embarrassed that I do fucking tech support in some crappy half job that someone without even a college degree can complete. I have failed at every job I have had and at trying to have kids and I have had to resort to some dumb job where I don't even have to really think in order to get by because I have had all of my pregnancies and IVFs fail and I can't even use my degree, which was a ridiculous degree to begin with, and I have absolutely nothing to show for my education and my intelligence.

I have a good husband, and I love him so much. We have a wonderful marriage. I really am grateful for that.

But aside from that, my life sucks.


Natalie said...

Unfortunately.... I understand all too well. Makes me want to weep.

niobe said...

When I meet people like that, I always tell myself that they probably have some dark unmentionable secret that casts a pall over their entire, seemingly successful lives.

It's probably not true, but it makes me feel a little better to believe it.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Rachel, I can relate.. I'm sorry you are feeling like this right now.

beagle said...

I like niobe's approach.

If they are bragging so much, maybe their life isn't what it appears?

In any case, I am sorry to hear you sounding so discouraged. Do you need a pep talk? Or maybe some chocolate? Or alcohol? Or all three?

singletracey said...

Gosh.. I TOTALLY know what you mean. I joined Fa*cebook and seriously... every person I went to high school with is there... and EVERY ONE OF THEM has kids.. and each time I get a friend request and I say yes and then see their pictures of their kids.. I want to take a pot and bang my head in.

**SIGH** here is a hug..

B said...

I second Niobe. And they are boring as hell to boot. And don't know what a feeling is.

I am sorry you are feeling so blue about yourself.

I hope you can begin to see some of the beauty we see.

Sara said...

I'll bet that many of them would give their right arm to be able to say what you said about your husband. I think that the grass is always greener.