I was sad today. I read a few blogs and saw a few successes. I know it's selfish and awful, but seeing other people's successes still makes me sad. I mean, I am happy that people find success. I certainly don't want people to be stuck in this horrible place we all know. But I still find myself feeling jealous and sad when I see someone else reach the goal of parenthood. Also, another one of T's co-workers' wives had a baby today. Sure, it was after 42 hours of labor, which does not make me envious in any way, but this will be about the fifth birth in his department in the last year. These people were married after I'd already had two miscarriages and we found out about T's translocation. They're also more than five years younger than us. I'm just tired of all of this. I'm ready for it to be our turn.
We watched the Patriots game (Tom Brady may have torn his ACL!!!) and watched some of the Sox game. T saw me being sad, so he said we should go out and not sit around being sad. So, we went and got a super yummy crepe and saw Hamlet 2. It helped a lot. That movie was funny! Yes, there was a small theme about, and I quote, "shooting blanks" but if I was able to overlook that part, the movie made me laugh and it was well done. It was totally ridiculous but somehow oddly profound, and I loved the music. I'm glad we got out and were in another place at least for a little while. Restful weekends are good, but it's really bad for me to sit and do nothing for too long because I end up being sad.
I'm doing better now, but it was a sad day. Now I have to go and make another baby hat for yet another office baby. Sigh.
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7 comments:
I'm sorry today was hard. Hugs. K
Hard days suck.
Crepes sound good though. I've gotten way too addicted to food...
Long time and loyal reader here - I SOOOO know what you mean. It's just plain hard - no matter how long you have to "get used" to IF or what plans you have going forward it just sucks.
IF sucks perpetually. I'm sorry it was a shitty day for you.
I hear you. I get jealous too. I remember when we were doing the adoption wait, I was jealous of every person who got chosen by a birth mother and had been waiting for for less time. Now, I'm jealous of people who get pregnant quickly. Either way I'm jealous.
I know. Though I'm in a different place, there's often something that happens that just seems like another little twist of the knife.
I totally hear you on this one. We're supposed to be all "oh, how great for you" when we see those positive announcements. I'm not... I've started deleting blogs from my reader when they get a positive, because it's just too hard. I'm just not interested in reading about ultrasounds unless you're counting follicles. Jealous? yes. But you've got to hold onto your sanity somehow.
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