I spent much of this week and this weekend seeking out adopted people and adoptive parents to get their views on all of this stuff. The result? Everyone is different.
Every adopted person is going to approach their adoption in a different way. For some it was bad. For some it was good. For some, it was both. Some thought about their birth parents every day. Some almost never did. It just depends on the individual.
I have to say that the people I spoke to personally (which is only a small number of people, granted) generally do not feel this way about their adoption. My guess is that most people who do feel this way probably think these people I spoke to are trying to spare my feelings or haven't truly looked inward or something like that. I do not think this is true.
I simply think that you just never know how things are going to turn out.
I am hopeful that because we will have some openness in our adoption and we will be able to answer questions our children have as best we can about their genetic history and the circumstances of their birth that this will mitigate a lot of those painful feelings.
Still, everybody's experience is different, and you just never know what is going to happen. And this is true for every person in the world that has ever existed.
My external (read: blog) discussion on this is now complete. I will forever think about these issues. Having this brought up on my blog has made me realize how ready I am to parent and how much emphasis I am focusing on how our children's lives will be as they grow up, and that is really good.
I have shut off comments on this post. I'm skeptical I will allow any further comments on my blog regarding the pros and cons of adoption.
Of course, like anything else, you just never know what will happen.
We now return to your regularly scheduled blog.