Saturday, September 13, 2008


We went to a support group for waiting parents today. It was good. There was nothing mind boggling nor was there any sort of breakthrough, but it's nice to be around people who are in a similar situation to us and for us to talk about it. The biggest thing I realized at the group today was how far we've come in terms of our willingness to be open. We feel very ready to have a semi-open adoption. We are not in a place where we want to exchange identifying information, but we are more than willing to have more frequent communication that just sending a picture and letter once a year. We are neither scared nor threatened by this. We feel that this type of relationship will be a benefit to our child. I never thought I would be able to say those things and mean them, but I am doing that now. And it makes me feel good.

We got a little feedback about our book and have a few final changes to make. These last changes are the most difficult because I don't really have a similar but better photo to substitute for the three we want to change. But we will find something and we will "glue it down and move on." And then we will be done. And then we will be officially a waiting family.

We mailed in our "Matching and Placement Consideration" form today. We tried to be as open as we could with our choices, but to be honest we could only go so far. We are open to situations we would have never put ourselves in had we been able to get pregnant, but we are not really willing to enter a situation that we would never expect (a drug addicted baby) or would have been a surprise (a special needs adoption). This is where we are right now, and we can always change our minds in the future.

Sometimes I feel bad about this decision, and sometimes it makes me sad, but I refuse to allow myself feel bad because I want a similar situation to what I would have had were we able to have biological children. It would be unfair to a child to accept a situation you are not ready for. And that's the way it is.

Today was a pretty good day. We both got our hair cut. We had a lovely lunch and then went to the support group. I looked at some yarn and we visited my parents before they left for a trip to AZ. I feel much more relaxed this evening.

Tomorrow we will have a mellow day at home and we will take care of some things around the house. I will work on getting those final three pictures together and Monday is the start of a new week. I hope it will be a better one.


Anonymous said...

What about the child you adopt, will she or he be satified with just a picture of their own mother? Come on, please think about how it would feel to not see and touch your own mother. To never beable to see yourself in her and other family members. It's cruel to cut separate a human from their own people. How could you even consider doing that! Imagine if someone took you away from your family, what would you do?

Anonymous said...

I don't think you are ready to parent someone's child if you can not handle that child's mother in the child's life. Adoption is NOT a replacement for a biological child. It is raising a child that already has a family. Adopted persons have an identity, a family, a heritage - how can you rob a human of that? Are you going to change the child's name, seal the birth certifcate?

Gumby said...

Well, "anonymous"...

First of all, Rachel WILL be her child's OWN mother. Rachel and her husband will be the baby's family - the only family s/he has ever known.
Also, adoption is not one-sided. Rachel has also lost out on not seeing herself in her offspring. AND we don't even know if the child will care about this. My husband's brother was adopted and he's never given a shit about finding his birth parents. His adoptive parents ARE his parents.
And before you try to go off on me about how I supposedly know nothing about it - My mother was adopted, my husband also was adopted, my sister was adopted, my ex (boyfriend) was adopted, I have an aunt who was adopted AND, as stated previously, my brother in law was adopted. I also had a friend in college who gave up her baby for adoption because she knew it was the best thing for him.
Again, Rachel will not be parenting "someone's child". She will be parenting HER child. The child will just not be of her flesh and blood. And, yes, the baby will be hers and her husband's to name as they desire!
Just the fact that you are apparently unwilling to share your identity says that you are not interested in a real intelligent and compassionate discourse on the subject so I suggest you go spew your vile elsewhere...