I am going to blog about the Oprah show today where they discuss donor conceived children.
The pediatrician at the beginning of the show had a really good attitude about sperm donation. The second donor, not quite so much. He is enjoying playing "father" to his "children." But he's not horrible.
The donor conceived children's stories were.... mostly unhappy. It seemed like they were either children of SMCs or from a long time ago when donation wasn't open. In my opinion, these children are the ones most likely to feel angry about their conceptions.
I see another donor who has the good attitude. I will talk if a donor conceived child if he or she wants, but I'm not going to force myself on a child.
One dc woman does have a dad. She calls her donor Dad and her father Dad. She thinks of herself as having two fathers. This is making me feel pretty ambivalent.
Granted the reasons for conception are different, but I imagine an adopted child would feel similarly about his or her biological parents. I understand the curiosity and the need to meet the donor. I believe in open donors. Our current donor isn't open, but isn't open for the right reason. And has a family member that is donor conceived and I think if we express an interest down the road, I think he would understand.
The pediatrician's wife is also a pediatrician. I like them. They're good. They understand the idea of donor conception well. They don't over condemn, and they don't idealize.
This part is about donor siblings meeting. They are both only children of SMCs. I totally understand these people and why they have a need to meet each other.
So the siblings are talking about a void in their lives being conceived this way. That she, as an only child, was amazed at being able to look into someone else's face and see herself. Well, we have lost this, too. And donor sperm is how we are trying to allow ourselves to have a child, even if that child can't see himself in my husbands face, or we can't see my husband's face in our children.
All I want to say is, the hurt goes both ways, folks.
The pediatrician talked about regulation of the industry. It needs to be regulated better. No argument from me. He also talked about being paid for donation -- how blood donors are not paid (Is that 100% true? They used to get paid.) so why should sperm donors. This is something I think about, too. And I know that other countries do not allow payment for donating gametes. It's a valid point to bring up, though I am not expressing an opinion about that one.
Why were all the dc children women, except for the male reunion sibling? And why aren't egg donors discussed?
They leave with info about the DSR.
All and all, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. The choice of dc people was not quite as diverse as I would have hoped. It would have been nice if they had an adult who, while certainly curious about the donor, doesn't think of the donor as a father and thinks of his or her FATHER as his or her father. I know they exist. I have emailed a couple of them. I have a friend who was donor conceived and didn't find out until she was an adult who feels that way.
But all and all, it could definitely have been worse.