Friday, February 22, 2008

The freak in the corner

Another one of T's employees' wives is pregnant. She was drinking when we were in Las Vegas (5 weeks ago), so how pregnant can she be?

I wish this news didn't hurt so much. They're like 25 years old. And they got married after us.

I mentioned to the HR woman how the adoption benefit, while good in theory, doesn't work out so great. And maybe that's why no one has used it. But she said, no -- no one in the entire company has ever adopted. She would have known about it because they would have to talk to her about maternity/paternity leave.

And the cheese stands alone.

11 comments:

Sue said...

Don't feel like a freak. I'm sure her numbers are off. There could be people who adopted before going to work for the company or men who didn't take paternity leave when they adopted. I know you feel like you're alone, but I doubt you are.

Susan said...

People are yahoos. You do what's best for you. These are your feelings and your family.

My Reality said...

You aren't totally alone. . .

Beagle said...

I guess we'll just have to be the pioneers then . . .

Leah said...

At least in this online community, you are neither cheese or a freak. You are completely understood, fully supported, and not alone in the least.

Anonymous said...

That certainly wasn't the most sensitive thing for the HR lady to have said and in any case, it's not the point, if they have the benefit they should try and construct it to be a useful option to help people who would benefit from being able to use it not just think it doesn't matter if the benefit is poorly thought out because 'they haven't had anyone use it before'. Frustrating when you don't need frustrating!

Clare

Evil Stepmonster said...

Pg news is never easy, but especially hard when you have so much on your plate.

As others have said - you are neither freak nor cheese. And if need be you should get in there and cause that policy to change.

Tracers said...

There are plenty of people who have created their family through adoption. No one in my office has any personal experience with any ART/adoption suff either.

I know you didn't think the adoption benefit was useful, but you will know what fees are required by the adoption agency and you could use the adoption benefit for that. You won't know how much money would be required for a potential birth mother until you guys get chosen.

niobe said...

This HR woman sounds totally clueless. I think the majority of men that I know don't take paternity leave for either adopted or bio kids. Maybe they use a week or two of vacation, but they wouldn't go to HR to discuss it.

And, if this surrogacy thing were to work out for me (though it's not adoption, it's similar to the extent that I wouldn't get disability leave), I certainly wouldn't talk to HR, but would just use vacation or unpaid leave.

Also, assuming your company is reasonably large, it would be extremely unusual to have *no* people who became parents by adoption. At my work, I can think of 3 people who've adopted, just off the top of my head. And I'm sure there are others I just don't know well enough to know the details of their personal lives.

You are not alone. Not by a long shot.l

Almamay said...

Today I'm a nice creamy goat's cheese.

You aren't alone.

From a fellow cheese. x

Anonymous said...

Please don't feel like the cheese. Many people have adopted from my work (including me!) I can think of three without even trying and I bet there are more and we have only about 500 in our company.

We don't have an adoption subsidy but we do get a month parental leave -- you are very lucky your company supports this financially -- and besides -- I don't think the HR person should've told you whether the benefit was used or not -- really no one's business but the person adopting.

Find an adoption support group in your area . . . you are far, far from alone.