Saturday, September 15, 2007

Hope?

Can I allow myself some hope for this cycle? Do I dare? Is it too dangerous? I am scared to have hope. Hope has led me nowhere except to despair. But what else can I do?

It is 7 dpo. My b00bs are starting to feel pretty sore. And I am starting to feel exhausted. I fell asleep last night at 9:30 (during a Sox/Yankees game that went very, very bad) and slept until about 7:30 this morning. And now, when it's almost 9pm, I'm exhausted and cranky again. I'm not sure I can stay awake.

I can't help but feel some hope creeping in. I promised myself that with the seemingly poor timing that I would have none. I told myself with the pregnancy announcements that I couldn't make up symptoms to make myself feel better. But there it is, creeping none-the-less.

What do I do with this? I feel like I actually hate hoping. I hate hoping that things might work this time. How can I possibly hope for that? I feel like the chances of all of this working out are just so slim.

And yet. And yet.

12 comments:

JJ said...

DEFINITELY hoping for you Rachel...=)

My Reality said...

I will hope for you, even if you decide not to.

Leah said...

I hope -- desperately, in fact -- that these are all signs of an impending BFP announcement from you. I'll do my funky chicken dance, and will cross everything that is crossable.

LizzieK said...

Its ok to hope although i understand why you don't want to. I hope this is it for you. Sometimes things happen when you last expect it. Maybe this months bad timing was really the perfect timing?!?!?! keep us updated!

ultimatejourney said...

I just got back from vacation and I couldn't be more excited than to hear that your b00bs are sore, LOL! I'm really, really, really hoping for the best.

niobe said...

I'm hoping for you. With everything I have.

Sarah said...

your hope is in good hands, we are all here holding onto it for you. secondarily, hope the rest of the wait flies by.

Nearlydawn said...

Hoping is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. I mean really, what will "thinking it didn't work" do for you but make you crazy? OK, OK, hoping can make you crazy too.

So, I'll do the hoping for you! Me and all these nice ladies who are here hoping for you!!

I'm going to go do the Funky Chicken w/ Leah...

noswimmers said...

I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!! Good luck!

Knock Me Up said...

Hope is insideous (sp?) and gets in through any crack available. You know we all hope for you too! Hang on.

The Oneliner (Christina) said...

lots of 2nd IUIs work. they do, they do, they do.
What helps *me*...is to remember that it doesn't matter what YOU think. You'll either get pregnant or you won't. I don't really know why that calms me down, but ti does.

mary ellen said...

I am hoping for you Rachel!!