CD 3

The new medication isn't as easy to administer as the medication in my last cycle. Lu*veris comes in a powder with another vial of water and I have to suck out the water, put it in the powder, dial up the Folli*stim, stick that into the Lu*veris vial, change from the big IM needle to the little needle, suck up all the liquid out of the vial and then inject it. I find that there are suction issues and it drips. Or, there are suction issues and not all of the medicine will go into the syringe. I'm wondering if it would be easier to stick myself twice. I'm not sure. I hope I've only lost a few drips, which shouldn't affect my dosage, but it freaks me out a little.

Went in for my first E2 blood draw today. I'll hear back later this afternoon and get instructions about my next doses. I'm sure I will have to go in for a blood draw/ultrasound on Tuesday.

My friend E (the one with the baby) called yesterday. She asked about the cycle, and I'm trying to give other people less specific information about what's going on. I told her I was starting meds this week. I suppose that's not a total lie. It's very difficult to navigate through. Her work is insane, and she's going to Chicago for a few days. Her baby isn't weaned and this is her first time away from him. She's working weekends right now and is just totally stressed out. I totally understand. But it's weird to talk to her, and I don't feel like we have anything in common right now. It's so sad to me. She's one of my best friends. I've known her for about 10 years. But sometimes when I talk to her, I don't feel like I have anything to say. The only things going on in my life are my insane job and infertility.

We are having the house painted in about a month, and I talked about that for a while. I have my garden. And crocheting. And knitting. But it's just weird. I still remember while hanging out with her and her husband that things will never be the same again. And here they are -- not the same. It's funny how I knew at the time that we would never hang out like that again. I remember it making me sad. We already know about T's bt at that time.

We did the MS Walk yesterday with my family. I was talking to her on the phone, and she was talking about a birthday present she was going to buy me. I said that I'd rather have something else aside from a present, like a party or going out or something. Somehow, this turned into my mother making me feel guilty about not spending enough time with her. I see my family about twice a month, and I talk to my parents about 5 days a week. This seems like plenty. But apparently my aunt sees her children 3 or 4 times a week. So my poor mother is deprived of seeing her children. I just don't get it. I see and talk to my family more than anybody else I know. I'm the child that calls just to say hi and who does almost everything she asks. What the hell?!? I see my parents plenty. I have a lot of crap going on in my life. My work is chaotic, my home life is chaotic. Why does she do that? I'm still pretty annoyed with her. We usually get along so well. I'm not sure what's going on. I think she must not truly understand the stress of infertility. I try to remind her, but she must just not get it.

Oh, and I had a meeting at the main hospital where I work (I work in a satellite office) and where was the conference room where the meeting was? On an OB/GYN floor. I saw at least 5 infants and 4 pregnant women. Whee!

And did I mention the two pregnant women at a knitting group I went to? I think I did, but I'm mentioning it again.

I have about one more week of meds. I can do this. Especially without the Lu*pron.

Update: The clinic called. My E2 is 328. I'm to decrease the Folli*stim to 300 and keep the Lu*veris at 75. So far, so good.