Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Confusing

Sometimes I confuse myself. I feel like I don't communicate enough with other people. I'm a pretty outgoing person and I like to be active in my relationships with people. I like getting email and comments and notes on my wall, etc. But I'm not particularly great at reaching out, which means it's silly for me to expect attention back. Plus, I don't have much to say about anything. I don't want to talk to my long, lost friends because I don't want to talk about our infertility and our waiting for an adoption to happen. But if asked, there's nothing much else going on with me. Sure, I can talk a little bit about my new job (which is going well so far) or I could mention my latest knitting or crochet project, but I'm not sure how interesting it is. And the people I'm friendly with already know about these things. There's only so much to talk about when it comes to cooking or crafting or work. I just feel dead in the water and conflicted. Do I want to talk to people or don't I? The answer is, I'm not sure.

And I haven't heard anything from our agency.

And here are some alligators because someone asked about them.




5 comments:

Almamay said...

I think my favourite photo of the alligators is the one where they are wearing the sunglasses :-P

Mountain Girl said...

Hi Rachel, It's fun to see the picture of you and hubby. I know what you mean - sometimes I'm quite happy not talking to people! I'm not anti-social just don't want to be involved in superficial, fake or one way relationships. Plus, my dog and cat will listen to anything I have to say and love me anyway!

craptastic_mail said...

you sound SO much like me about a year and a half ago! (while I was still undergoing IF crap and before we decided to adopt)

I vividly remember telling my husband that I dreaded, absolutely dreaded, social situations b/c of the inevitable "so what have you been up to?" or "what's new?" "What's going on?" question that is so easily asked.

My LIFE was trying to get knocked up. THAT is what was going on. I would literally prepare a response ahead of time. And then say it in an (I am sure) totally unnatural, stilted and rehearsed voice.

But, once we started up adoption, I decided to go with it and enjoy it! I thought of the months waiting as my pregnancy. Other women have 9.5 months to enjoy being pregnant and be excited, I was going to too! I talked baby names and nursery themes and all that stuff. I ended up loving that time. I hope you can too!

ultimatejourney said...

I love that last pic of you and T! Really cute!

Jessica at Bwlchyrhyd said...

Those are some very odd looking alligators in that last photo! :)