Sunday, July 20, 2008

Slow Weekend

It's funny how staying at home makes both T and I sad and depressed a lot of the time. We're not sure what it is about being home that makes us sad, but we both do decidedly better if we're out and about rather than relaxing at home.

T and I were watching the baseball game and while I was doing some laundry the play by play people mentioned that the wife of one of the players on the opposing team had just had a baby the night before. They both went on to talk about fatherhood and how great it was and what a miracle it is and how special it is for people who are lucky enough to be fathers to have that incredible experience.

Poor T. It just put him in a really deep funk and he couldn't pull out of it. I don't blame him. It seems that no matter what we do to try to get away from our situation, there is always something there to remind us.

Hell.Boy kind of sucked. It had some potential, but it didn't go deeply enough into the story and it lacked a lot of nuance. We were disappointed because we loved the first one and we had enjoyed another movie by the director of the second one. And, of course, one of the characters found out she was pregnant. Hurray! We can't even go see some comic book fantasy or watch our local baseball team without having pregnancy and parenthood shoved down our throats.

He dreamed last night that the wife of one of his colleagues had her baby (she is due any day now) and it had a heart defect and it had to have an operation and it died.

This morning I decided we should get out of the house. We decided to go to a coffee house near us and drink coffee and read (and knit). We both love to do this. So, as T got into the shower I hear another piece on the radio about how this guy was a total fuck-up until he had a son and the responsibility of fatherhood was so life changing and profound that he fixed his life up and he got his GED and now is in college and has turned his life around. I was so glad T was in the shower and didn't hear that because it would have sent him back into his funk.

We try to keep ourselves busy. We try to do things like watch sports and go to the movies and listen to the radio to keep ourselves distracted. But because family and having children is such a natural part of life, it is pervasive. We see it everywhere. We can't escape it.

How can we relax, enjoy and just let ourselves try to forget our situation while it is always being brought up everywhere?

I know all people who suffer from IF feel this way on a regular basis. The fertile world is just constantly smacking you across the face.

So next weekend I have to remember that going to the coffee shop and drinking a coffee and reading and knitting is the best thing to do for us. Seeing the children there doesn't feel too bad. Finding distraction elsewhere seems like it can just be too dangerous.

But we must distract ourselves, mustn't we?


Samantha said...

Just dropping a note to say I'm thinking of you. I hope you can find some good distractions.

Natalie said...

Ugh, I know. It's like no matter what I do there's some kind of pregnancy or new baby storyline and I just want to scream.

And I know about needing to get out of the house. I feel worst when I'm just sitting at home.

Carrie said...

Firstly, thank you so much for your kind and supportive comment.
I'm sorry you have to find distractions, I know the feeling of the day going fine and then some random TV piece, or e mail or announcement (not even by anyone close) and it all collapses around. It is just horrible and so very difficult to plan for.

I also wanted to say how much I understood your last post. I too have failed over and over and it does end up making me feel like a freak. I don't even have the whole story on my side bar (and what I have is plenty) as I am sick of sounding so tragic. It is a lonely place indeed. Few understand.

Trace said...

I so hear you.

luna said...

it's hard to escape when it keeps whacking you upside the head. we both go into those funks, though it's always best when we're not both in it together, so one can talk the other down, or at least come up with a distraction.

thinking of you both.

Mountain Girl said...

I understand totally - and I am crazy enough to work with children?! So I encounter it daily. What's really, really tough is when I see children who could have many more opportunities, developmentally appropriate experiences, etc. with ME instead of their parents/guardians. It makes me extremely sad, frustrated and angry. Why can't I have just ONE baby - doesn't have to be bio. mine....although I think my husband thinks that if I work with children that will satisfy my motherhood desire. WRONG! It seems like most IF have supportive husbands???? Mine is supportive, but he is NOT doing anything possible to get us a child to raise.

Gumby said...

I know what you mean about wanting to GET AWAY from (stupid) babies and kids! Although I must say I'm at the point where I have just gotten so fed up that I have pretty much no feelings towards them anymore - but that's just me.

I do have some possibly helpful hints on places to go where the chances of running into the rugrats should be slim to none.

- Bars
- Liquor stores
- Night/dance clubs (especially if they have an S&M/bondage night)
- Gay bars/clubs (and the people are SO FUN!)
- Your local Medical Examiner's office
- Nude beaches/camps
- Strip clubs
- XXX movie theaters
- Orgy events!

Not sure where you might find some of them in your area but, hey! Some might be fun to check out! ;)

Seriously though, I hope you are sucessful in finding some relief...