Friday, May 16, 2008


Possible TMI to follow.

I suppose AF is here, though it's not usually like this for me. I had a full 24 hours of light spotting followed by a light flow. However, this light flow is extremely brown indicating what we like to call "old blood." We'll see how things proceed today. I expect to keep bleeding, but what does it mean that this cycle has been so weird.

I know it's paranoid and this has only happened once to me, but because I'm such a poor responder to injectables, I'm paranoid about early menopause. Could I be peri-menopausal? I realize that it's doubtful (and it probably doesn't matter since we're moving on to adoption) but I guess that after all that has happened I'm always expecting the worst.

Again, I know this is just paranoia on my part. I just can't help being paranoid. But AF is here, even if it's in an odd sort of way, and we are going to start thinking about dIUI #7 with only one more to go.

I put together my job history for the adoption application. Now I need to get T to do his biography and for me to finish mine. We're going to do this by the end of June. It will be done then. I demand this of ourselves.

Our friends (and T's colleagues) M&M are getting married in July. They've been engaged forever. I know they're going to start trying to have kids immediately after they get married. I've been adamant that we will have kids before they do, but I'm starting to get scared that this won't happen.

Why does infertility have to make everything so damn hard?


luna said...

oh, rachel, I'm so sorry this is so annoying. and of course I ask myself the same thing all the time. why can't this be easier.

btw I have a piece of virtual birthday cake for you (though a little belated) here:

beagle said...

AF can be as frustrating as she is upsetting and unwelcome!

I'm glad you're moving ahead with the homestudy stuff (just in case) at the same time.

One way or another, you will get to parenthood!

But why can't it be easier??

Good question. I yell that one skyward pretty often.

beagle said...

PS Luna's cake is DELISH!

My Reality said...

I hate screwy cycles.

B said...

My period has never been "normal" after IVF. I don't know if that means anything - but wierd flows, differnt time lengthes, differnt blood flows.

I don not think you can underestimate the effect on your body of shoving a bunch of hormones in.

But damn it I am really sad that it is here at all. Not what you wanted and so unfair. SO so unfair.

Hoping for a safe place for heart and mind to recover, and for your body to remember itself again.

take care