I am turning 36 on Monday.
Sunday is Mother's Day and I am still not a mother.
This cycle is another failure.
I found out I have low progesterone.
I failed a test at work.
I have had 10 jobs in the last 10 years.
We got our house painted last summer and it is already peeling.
We never went on a honeymoon.
My sisters-in-law don't really get along.
My husband has broken genetics.
I can only lose pregnancies.
My carpoolers annoy me.
In high school, one of my teachers thought I might win a Nobel Prize and now I am a customer support rep in a call center.
I failed at being a teacher.
It will most likely be more than a year before my husband and I will be parents.
My master's degree was apparently a waste of time and money.
IVF didn't work for us.
Even when we used donor sperm, I still miscarried.
To our knowledge, my husband and I have never created a healthy embryo.
Even in the adoption community, I have found it difficult to find many people with a similar experience to ours -- multiple losses and multiple failed cycles.
It is the worst time for adoption in history -- higher demand of adoptive parents and fewer babies that need to be adopted.
The economy is in the tank.
Our kitchen is messy.
I have a completely busy weekend when all I want to do is just stay in bed.
I have to work until 9pm tonight.
I'm still not in a good mood.
Life as an adoptive family.
My Story
- Rachel
- 4 miscarriages, 3 failed IVFs with PGD, 2 different sperm donors, 1 diagnosis of balanced translocation. Now we are the proud parents of a boy via domestic infant semi-open adoption. We had a failed match for kid #2 and are now matched again.
14 comments:
Rachel, I'm so sorry you having a black day. Hang in there. Brighter times are coming.
I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through. I also believe things will get better, but I know that's no comfort to you right now. I wish I lived closer so I could at least come clean your kitchen for you!
Rachel, I'm thinking of you and hoping that tomorrow might be a little better. And of course, I'm hoping you will be parents soon - you deserve nothing less!
oh rachel, that is quite a list. it sucks to fel the weight of all those things at once, I'm sorry.
I wonder if I'd feel any better if I wrote down the litany of things bothering me. maybe I'll try it.
like the pps, I'm hoping things get better soon. ~luna
I'm sorry. For all the items on your list and for the fact that you even had to make such a list.
Rachel-youve been in my thoughts a lot the past few days. Im sorry to read that you are still having a tough time--I'm praying for better days soon.
I'm right with . . . I turn 40 on Tuesday. Let's hope we get some good material gifts (a baby would be nice), but I'll settle for a nice distraction to get through the next week.
I'm sorry.
xo
B
Thinking of you.
Crappy. Just crappy.
oh, that's a list. I'm sorry. I know you feel alone...you are not. i'm hoping all of your prayers are answered for the upcoming year!
I absolutely love that you threw your messy kitchen into that list, cuz that is SOOO something I would do. I'm angry at everything right now, and what do I come home to, but more FUCKING PILES to clean up!
Your cycles suck. My cycles suck. This all f*g sucks. Tonight, I drink. HOpefully you have some bad comfort too.
I'm sorry you're in the black place. I know it too, probably all too well. My thoughts are with you.
I'm so sorry about all those bad things. I'm sending you lots of {{hugs}} and prayers to make your sun shine again.
Balanced translocation SUCKS.
So do those other things.
Somedays it all piles on top of you don't it. It just is all a bit too heavy to carry.
I hope not all days are as hard as this one.
Thoughts with you
Barb
Post a Comment