I'm really worried that we are going to be denied coverage for our IUIs. If that happens I'm ready to sic lawyers on them, though, because we have previously been approved to have an injectable dIUI cycle with this insurance company (right before my most recent miscarriage) and because I'm certain they would approve and IUI with T's sperm and their expenses aren't any different from that scenario because we aren't asking them to pay for the donated sperm. I'm just worried about the time it will take and my emotional state if we do get rejected.
I know I shouldn't worry about this stuff and worry just makes things worse, but I am a natural worrier by nature and I just can't help it. I try to stop myself when I find myself freaking out about it, but so many things I do at home allow for a lot of internal reflection, and I just think and worry. Sewing, knitting, cooking and cleaning all allow for a racing mind.
We better watch a movie.
I'm feeling sad. I feel like I'm surrounded by people who are pregnant and having babies, both infertile and not. I feel so left behind in the process of starting a family. We are no further along than we were over two years ago, and we still have a year or two more to go before we could possibly even begin to have a family.
And I mailed something to my niece and I guess I didn't seal the envelope properly and I guess the thing fell out of it or someone took it. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it just feels like another way I've failed. I understand that this is pretty stupid, but it's a card for an old digital camera, and we're not sure if those cards are available anymore and because of my stupidity and carelessness, my niece may never be able to use the camera we gave her.
I just feel so useless sometimes.