Thursday, March 27, 2008

Announcements

The only other woman in my new hire class at work told me today that she's pregnant.

My stomach did not drop to the floor. I did not feel like I was going to start to cry. I was able to say, "Congratulations!" with a somewhat cheerful tone of voice (I think). I was pretty proud of myself.

But then she kept talking about it. Her lunch wasn't agreeing with her. Her husband was cooking more because he didn't want his kid to be fed frozen meals. She has started to have a distaste for certain foods. The thing about pickles is true.

I almost said, "When I was pregnant (the second time), I craved oranges." But I didn't.

This talk made me sad. I was okay with the announcement. I really was. But I just couldn't take the discussion. But we were sitting in a classroom and I couldn't move away.

Then when I came home I saw my neighbor. She's an older Italian woman and asked me when I was going to start having kids. I said I didn't know. She told me not to wait too long because I didn't want to get too old. I told her that sometimes it wasn't so easy. She took that to mean that raising kids isn't easy. She told me it was hard to put so much energy into them when all they want is for you to die and to leave them your house and your money. I didn't have a response to that. She told me that there are things she knows from experience. That made me sad too, though in a completely different way. Not all children feel that way. At least I know my brothers and I don't.

So, it was both a good and bad day. I was pleased with myself that I handled the announcement well, but these other discussions didn't go so well.

At least it's almost Friday. I'm looking forward to the weekend. We are going to look at beds at the furniture store and start filling out the adoption application.

13 comments:

Susan said...

I'm sorry for that announcement. You did well--you handled it with grace and I'm proud of you. I love my parents and don't want them going anywhere anytime soon. Have a good time looking at beds. I really enjoy sleeping and next year we are getting a new king size bed. I can't wait. Between the two dogs space is limited. I wish you the best with your adoption application. I'm pulling for you!!

Almamay said...

Five gold stars for your bravery and for not committing justifiable homicide.

niobe said...

It's funny (that is, funny strange) how both of these women could see the world only through the prism of their own experiences and be unaware of how their words might affect others who are in a completely different place.

Anonymous said...

You did good! Yesterday I was at a seminar and this woman asked, "do you have any kids?" I said, "I have a dog and a cat." She said, " they aren't kids!" I decided that I was sick of being judged on whether or not I had kids so I looked her straight in the eyes and said, "When you don't get married until you are over 40 y/o and biologically can NOT have children, my dog and cat ARE MY KIDS!" (I really wanted to punch her in the nose since I'm not nearly as gracious as you!) Then she quickly backed down! People can be so rude, insensitive and uncaring!

beagle said...

You get a star for enduring that day with such grace.

I like niobe's comment too. How true!

Pepper said...

Yep. Niobe's comment is spot on; people get wrapped up in their own stuff and have no idea how their words affect others. There's a guy in my office who goes on ad nauseum (nauseatingly) about what a great time he has with his two kids and how much he loves being a father. Ugh.

You handled both situations beautifully.

The Town Criers said...

Oy, I don't know how you respond to either one. But I think you handled them quite well. Happy bed shopping this weekend.

apronstringsemily said...

Yikes. It's those things that make me wish that people had a handbook of things to say to people experiencing IF. I applaud you for being so brave!

hope548 said...

Sounds like you handled it all really well!

Evil Stepmonster said...

I agree with almamay, gold stars to you!
I hope you win the lottery this cycle.

scarredbellybutton said...

Ugh the announcements are bad enough but the on & on & on pg discussion is just too much.

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. I just had my 3rd miscarriage (3 weeks ago) and recently received an ex-colleague's FB update with u/s pic, and another pal's FB announcement that she's 13 weeks along - one week ahead of what I'd be right now. I haven't been able to congratulate either of them; I will eventually I suppose, but I can't yet. (And don't get me started on the pregnant woman I saw on the street corner yesterday surrounded by 3 more kids.)

I think the only thing we can do is be gracious; and if that fails, be humorously blunt - or just plain blunt, which is more my ill-equipped-for-such-discussions style. :)

- L

Dagny said...

you are very brave.

xoxo