Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Nothing is new

I'm here, just watching the days go by. I called the alternative clinic (it's a group of midwives, so maybe I'll call it that) and it seems that if I pulled everything together, I'd be able to do the dIUI there when I'm ready to ovulate in about a week. I asked them to resend me some literature, so as soon as that arrives I will probably be good to go. The only question with that process that remains is how to pick up the sperm. I think I may have to send T as my job is totally inflexible and the bank's hours are also inflexible.

The only question is, do I try to do the dIUI this cycle, or do we just try on our own for a month and organize it for next cycle. For some crazy reason, I just want to try on our own for a month and organize for next cycle. Maybe it's because I'm enjoying my time off. Maybe it's because it's a pain to coordinate work issues. Maybe it's because I'm deluding myself to think we could bypass all of this crap and get pregnant with a healthy baby that's genetically related to ourselves on our own. In any case, I think I just want to wait and try on our own. I mean, what the hell?

We do need to start the adoption process, though. I need to talk to T about choosing an agency (which I think we have) and filling out the application and just moving forward. I think we are choosing a flat fee agency because it's a bit easier on our end. I'm feeling very conflicted about that one. With this agency, we could even find a baby who was born in MA where we live. But T likes this agency, and since I don't feel strongly, I feel like we should pick that one.

The last thing to think about is work. I haven't talked to work yet. I have planned to tell my boss that I have a medical condition that requires I be out occasionally for a last minute doctor's appointment, and that I only will know the day before. But I want to tell my boss this privately, and I haven't yet. I think that's part of the reason I want to wait. But something kind of crappy happened at work, and I just don't want to bring it up right now. I didn't get in trouble or anything, but I sent an email to the wrong person and it got escalated in this really bizarre and incredible way so that it got sent to a VP of the company. Anyway, it was a silly mistake (I sent it to a person with the same first name and the same last initial, but it ended up being in the wrong department) and the person who mistakenly got the email blew it completely out of proportion. I'm sure it will blow over just fine, but I just don't want to talk about time off right now.

I guess I just have to do what feels right for me, and right now it's trying on our own one more time this month. Maybe we'll win the lottery.


Trace said...

I said I was getting an ongoing medical treatment.

In all honesty I think I would try to get pregnant w/hubby. It breaks my heart that when we have sex I know there is no chance, but you do have a chance. I know the thought of a miscarriage is devastating, but didn't you tell me there is a small chance the pregnancy would be viable. Really, ART and adoption are all about chance and hope so why not (unless you are worn out and have used up you emotional resources).

beagle said...

Here's hoping for a winning ticket . . .