Sunday, December 09, 2007

Let the obsessing begin

I've reached the point in the cycle of obsessing. I'm feeling myself up a lot. I'm slightly tender, but nothing to write home about. It is only 8 days post IUI, so it's early yet. Last cycle on this day my b00bs were incredibly sore -- hugely so. But the soreness got less and less after that day, so we'll see if that's what happens this time, too. I'm thinking of doing the POAS thing tomorrow, even though it's really early. I'm also thinking about not doing it tomorrow and waiting until Tuesday. We'll see how much will power I have. Buying internet cheapies really reduces my willpower, though. It's just the prospect of one line holding me back.

I'm really worried that this cycle didn't work and I'm going to have to go on the pill and wait for at least a month before trying again. I know I said we were planning some time off anyway, but I haven't had a cycle off in a really, really long time. I'm just not sure how not cycling is going to sit with me. But I guess, for now, all I can do is just wait and see. T is constantly telling me that I have no control over it and to just let it go. But of course, we all know how impossible that is.

I really have no inkling as to whether or not this cycle worked. I can make myself believe I'm pregnant very easily, but I force myself to stop in order to lessen the disappointment if I'm not. But of course, this is futile too. I will be very upset, if not surprised, if I am not pregnant.

Another person in T's office has delivered a baby -- one that was conceived well after our last pregnancy ended. I'm so tired of this. So tired.


Almamay said...

My fellow Boobie Abuser! I think less sore boobs are better during the 2ww after many cycles of boobie abuse. Hang in there. I'm with you brave girl.

noswimmers said...

Step away from the pee stick--you can do it--they're evil, evil things!!
Sorry you're feeling so down, the holidays really are tough when you're going through IF.

Drowned Girl said...

The second week of waiting is the worst. Good luck.

singletracey said...

The end of the TWW is terrible! I was always a boobie grabber!!

Praying you get the xmas gift you want the most!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I was always checking my boobs, too! I had no inkling either way on my IUI. I really want this to be IT for you and you can ring in the New Year in a wonderful way!