Monday, December 03, 2007

hopeless already

I'm just already convinced it didn't work. I'm convinced that my large follicle ovulated too early and the smaller ones ovulated with immature eggs.

I peed on an internet cheapie just to be reminded what two lines look like and it came up with one line. Does this mean I didn't even trigger properly?

I cannot have hope that this might work anymore. IVF, maybe, but not this.

And I have to get a job so that I can have the insurance to do IVF. I have two interviews next week, one with a place from a placement agency and one at the place where I'm temping. Just like I can't imagine treatments working, I can't imagine being hired. I have had too many jobs in too short of a time to be desirable. Even though there are reasonably good explanations why I left each job, nobody wants someone who jumps around in the workforce and that's what my resume looks like.

I'm trying to remember that T and I are comfortable and we live good lives, but it's just so difficult to find comfort in this under these circumstances. I just feel constantly desperate. I am desperate. I am desperate for some comfort.

9 comments:

Waiting Amy said...

I'm hoping you find it soon Rachel.

*hugs*

Samantha said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I hope good things are still to come.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I'm so sorry you are down! I'll hold onto hope for you.

As for the job thing I totally know what you mean on the jumping around thing. I've kind of done a little of that myself (all for better paying opportunities). Now that I'd like to get out of the job I'm in because it isn't taking me anywhere professionally I feel I'm stuck because of the job jumping. Hang in there something will come around!

Brooke said...

Sending some good vibes your way!!!!

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

I can certainly relate. Sometimes, the most you can do each day is focus on your breathing.

Make sure that you do something nurturing for both of you in January, no matter what happens with this cycle!!

XOXO

K77 said...

I got a -ve HPT 3 days after trigger, which surprised me.

I hope everything turns out ok.

singletracey said...

Oh Rachel.. I am sorry your having a bad day.. I have some hope for you....

Sarah said...

i hope that one line is only a sign of a cheap test and nothing more.

Anonymous said...

Sending you hugs.

Clare