I sometimes still read blogs, but I honestly have dropped off in that area. I check in on a few, but I rarely comment anymore. And because I don't really participate anymore, I realize that not as many people will participate in my blog. I am fine with that. It's only fair. If other people's blogs make me sad, it only comes to reason that my blog probably makes other people sad. I do appreciate every comment that everyone leaves for me. Thank you for that.
Other people's blogs make me pretty sad these days. There are only a small handful of people who were in the thick of things when I first started that aren't pregnant. This makes me incredibly sad. I wish I could be a bigger person and be happy for all of the people for whom fertility treatments have worked. And in a way, I am happy for people. I often say I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. And it's true. I am so glad when people are able to achieve pregnancy (or adopt) and can get out of this hell hole of infertility. But that doesn't mean that it's easy for me to hear about other's pregnancies. I certainly don't want anything bad to happen to people. It has happened to me, and I absolutely do not want anybody to have to go through that. But again, I still find it difficult to read about heartbeats and milestones and symptoms and preparing for baby. I just can't deal.
Honestly, I also often feel resentful of people who are able to achieve pregnancies where there is a full genetic connection with both parents. I get jealous very easily these days. I know it's wrong, but I just can't help feeling that way. I know it will ease once I finally find my way out of this hell.
I know some day that all of this will be over for me, whether it is achieving pregnancy somehow or adopting. And I expect this blog to change when that happens. But it is difficult for me to imagine that day happening. And until then, this is all that remains.