Thursday, July 02, 2009

Parts of this don't feel good

The state where the expectant mother and father live is one of those states that created laws that bars gay people from adopting. During this journey I have not wanted to use an agency from that state, even though there are a large number of birth mothers that want to place their children who live in that state.

This situation came to us, but on the paperwork we have to fill out we both have to assert that we are not gay or bisexual.

I'm having a difficult time with this form and asserting these things. It's not right and it's not fair. At the same time, I don't know that I can walk away from these expectant parents that want to make a plan for their yet unborn son.

This is weighing heavy on me, but unfortunately I think I will make the assertion on paper. Then maybe I can make another donation to Lambda Legal. That seems so lame.
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ETA: I had to look at our financials for this state application, and though we had an almost 10% down payment and have been paying our mortgage for 4 years, we officially owe more on our house than it is now worth. The value of our home has gone down by about 25% since we bought it. Keep in mind that the median home value for a home like ours at the time we bought it was something like $375,000. That's almost $100,000.

10 comments:

Kelly said...

That's a tough situation - I think I would feel similarly. However, if you think about the fact that it's not these expectant parents who set this law, and actually it has nothing to do with them (it's just where they live), then maybe that can help you deal with it. This isn't anything that's particular to them or their situation. Good luck with the paperwork!

Delenn said...

I would have a problem with that too. But I think I would go ahead and fill it out. The point being that if you adopt this person, you can help teach one more person not to hate.

niobe said...

Ouch. Both on the forms and the housing market.

Brenna said...

I'm guessing you're way ahead of the curve in that you've given consideration to LBGT rights and the unfairness of states who don't allow gay couples to adopt! I like Delenn's point about how you can in turn raise your son to be open-minded and non-judgemental. I'm wishing you the best, and look forward to seeing where your story goes from here! (Here from LFCA.)
Best,
Brenna

Deborah said...

It's so hard when you have to decide between fighting a political battle and just reaching an end. Can you give money to a gay rights group that works in that state specifically? Since there's a baby involved here (who could be yours!), I think now is one of those times to just do what you need to do to get there.

squarepeg said...

That is tough - I do like delenn's sentiment though.
I'm very sorry about the home value. You are not alone, that is for sure.

Still keeping everything crossed for the right outcome - whatever that is for you guys.

Almamay said...

I hate those questions. When I can I don't answer them but you don't have that luxury at the moment. I'm a big advocate of playing the game whilst maneuvering yourself into a position to change the rules. If not you and me then maybe our children will make this a world where the civil rights of everybody are guaranteed and respected.

Ouch about the negative equity situation.

singletracey said...

eeek.. I am just catching up since today is my first day from under my rock :-)

You know, it is all about teaching. You can't change the states laws....

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I totally agree with Delenn. I don't think I'd be able to turn away the chance at a baby...

Wishing you all the best!

Lavender Luz said...

I think you've found a good way to help change the status in FL with your contribution and with raising awareness.

I won't say too much about the obvious thing that's going on except that I'm thinking of you.