Friday, July 31, 2009


We leave for vacation tomorrow morning. We're going off the grid. No cell phones, no computers, just books and trees and each other. (And the dog.)

I'm really looking forward to it.

August is just about here. We keep talking about preparing for this possible arrival. People expect me to be excited about it. I don't feel the least bit excited right now. I do feel a little nervous, but I guess I don't really think it's going to work out. Something somewhere is going to go wrong. This has been our story for so long that I can't imagine it being any different.

Expectant mom seems to not want to talk about 'it' very much. We've talked a few times and she's happy to talk about her life and what's going on, but not about what's supposed to happen.

We don't know how much to communicate with them. We call because we want them to know we think about them, but we don't want to bother them.

So we wait. We get away. I really hope I can relax during this vacation and not worry too much. I seem to always find something to worry about. I was worried about work this morning, but now that I'm away from work I'm not worried about it. So I find things to worry about. I worry that things are not going to work out.


ME Gregory said...

Hope you do get to enjoy a worry free time. I can completely understand why you feel the way you do - your experience so far really hasn't shown you any other way. Here's to continued hope for good things to come your way and in the meanwhile a nice time with your hubby and doggie!

Kelly said...

Your worry seems perfectly reasonable to me - I think I would feel the same way. But I hope you can relax and enjoy some time away from real life. You deserve it!

Susanne said...

Hi! I just wanted to send a word of encouragment your way. Hold on! After 2 failed adoptions 12 failed IUI's, and one failed IVF I am a Mom because of adoption to a beautiful daughter. It does and will happen.

Have a wonderful vacation. This will be your last quiet moments for years to come.

niobe said...

Have a wonderful vacation! (and, for what it's worth, I understand the constant feeling that something is going to go wrong.)

Deb said...

Hope you have a wonderful time!

I've given you a blog award! You can stop by my digs to check it out