Thursday, June 05, 2008

The waiting

My b00bs have been hurting for about a week now. I keep waiting for it to go away. I think that has started finally today. I believe they are hurting a little bit less. This feels somewhat backwards as my b00bs usually begin to hurt right about now -- somewhere between 7 and 10 dpo. I'm not exactly sure when I ovulated so I don't exactly know where I am now. If I ovulated later, as I suspect, my chances of actually being pregnant are pretty low. I am on the progesterone which may be making my b00bs sore, but I continue to take it so why would it stop now?

Again, I spend so much of my time analyzing and wishing I could just forget about it. But I can't.

Yesterday at work on of my cube neighbors asked me when there were going to be some T juniors walking around. I shrugged. He pushed a bit more. I said some more non-committal things. A third co-worker was nearby and said something to the effect of, 'It looks like she doesn't want to talk about it.' I was pleasantly surprised by this comment. I wonder if his life has been touched in some way by infertility. He is getting married this weekend, so maybe he has just endured similar questions in a way he didn't enjoy. I finally said, 'Can we talk about something else?' Part of me wanted to blurt something, but I really, really want people at work to know as little as possible about my infertility. I just feel really private about it there. I don't want work to know anything.

Then on the way home it was raining and I mentioned an open window in a guest bedroom. Carpoolie managed to say, "Oh, I remember having a guest bedroom. Not anymore!' All this woman talks about is her children as she reads Parents magazine in my front seat every day. I try to be understanding, but I wanted to smack her after she said that.

Sigh. Maybe today will be a better day.


DrSpouse said...

I have a colleague who asked "Do you have children? Do you want them" to which I replied "No, and long story" (i.e. Don't ask). But she didn't get the hint - I was giving her a lift somewhere and she said "OK, now you have time to tell me that long story!". I think I just said "Well, it's a bit complicated" and she finally got the hint.

Your colleague may just be sensitive and be able to read the "I don't want to talk about X" signs while my colleague and your other colleague aren't...

niobe said...

I used to think that most people were smart enough not to ask personal questions or, if they decided to ask such questions, not to pursue the topic if it was clear that the person didn't want to answer. But experience has taught me that I was completely, totally wrong.

I'm sorry you have to put up with such insensitive people.

Samantha said...

That's nice that your other colleague picked up on things. Some people just don't have any idea.

luna said...

glad you at least have one sensitive colleague. people are so clueless. wishing you well in the last of your wait.

thanks so much for your kind comment.

Gumby said...

Yes, some people are SO clueless. And what's with the constant kid talk?!
I don't understand what it is about having kids that totally shuts down some people's minds where they can't possibly maintain an intelligent conversation NOT revolving around rug rats, spit up or whatever boring ass kid related crap.
I once had a coworker who seemed pretty intelligent and well read/versed - and then she got pregnant. I'm telling you EVERY minute of EVERY day seemed to be filled with the topic of pregnancy and babies when it came to her. It was SO annoying - and not just to me. Other people commented on it too. And this was looong before I was even in a situation to seriously consider having kids myself, much less know about the fertility challenges that were in store for me (so I was not bitter in any way - yet).
Of course I exclude fellow IFers in this area as I can obviously understand what a miraculous achievement it is for us gals - as opposed to those others who just spread their legs and BAM! Bitches... ;)
So sorry you have to deal with those people but glad there are also those who seem to understand.

Natalie said...

Ugh. Sorry about the questions from your colleague. >:(