Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Leaving

Tomorrow is my last day of work before leaving. I have so much crap to do and I don't know when I'm going to do it. I'm going to try to leave work early tomorrow so I can do things. Tonight we each have plans with friends and will not get anything done. Oy!

T still hasn't finished his autobiography and I am requiring we mail it in on Friday. I have no idea how he's going to finish it. I am very upset about it right now, but he still says he'll get it done. We cannot talk about it without him getting frustrated, and we can talk about anything. We never argue or even get that annoyed with each other, so it feels so weird to have this albatross around our necks. I want him to finish it so we can just mail the damn thing in and get that part over with. We still have a bunch more big hurdles before the waiting just starts.

I have decided to give up giving up stuff. I'm drinking caffeine. I'm drinking alcohol. I've stopped my prenatal. Yes, we have two more vials of donor sperm, but I'm just sick of doing things that indicate I have some sort of hope. I have no hope. I will never get pregnant and have a child. It's just not in the cards for us. If a miracle happened, I'll start taking precautions then. Worse things have happened. Fuck it.

I'm trying to not stress. Our vacation should hopefully be relaxing. But I'm not quite there yet.

I probably won't blog from the road, so I'll not be back until after July 1. I'm sure nobody cares, really, but I just wanted to put it out there.

Have a great couple of weeks.

11 comments:

Almamay said...

Have a good time. I'm quite jealous, it sounds like it's going to be a fun trip.

I'm with you on the giving up giving up and I'm going to give up trying naturally this summer. I haven't had a summer without trying for over a decade!

Enjoy!

Carey said...

I hope you guys have a wonderful vacation!!

My Reality said...

I hope you have a great trip and come home refreshed.

ultimatejourney said...

Have a great time!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I hope your trip is great and we'll look forward to hearing all about it when you get back!

Trace said...

My husband procrastinated about his portion of our profile too. It took us 6 months to get our profile done because of him. It's hard to get them moving! Especially when you know when it's done you'll just be sitting back and waiting to be chosen by a birth mother (sigh). It's so hard...becoming a parent shouldn't be so hard...

Have a wonderful trip!!

The Town Criers said...

Have a great trip!

beagle said...

I hope it's a great trip!
And Mr. Henry Street you better get cracking on that bio or you'll have a beagle snapping at your heels!

Anonymous said...

We're out here and I, myself, check your blog on a regular basis. I hear your frustration about things not working out - I have PCOS and I'm 45 y/o so there's pretty much NO chance of me conceiving and I doubt my husband is willing to do adoption.....so my life is NOT turning out to be anything that I thought it would be!

I hope you have a nice, relaxing and fun trip! I'll be looking forward to your report when you return!

niobe said...

Have a wonderful trip!

astral said...

You have a good time on your vacation. I'm a last minute Annie too. But somehow I always get things done (to the constant amazement of my husband). I look forward to your return.