Thursday, June 12, 2008

One week

One week today will be the night before we leave to drive to Oregon. I'm very excited and somehow a little nervous. I'm afraid of ending up sleeping in the car or something. We really have no plans what-so-ever. I'm not a very spontaneous person so this is difficult for me, but I can't really plan for this so spontaneous I will be.

I did end up peeing on a stick because I had a dentist appointment today and I knew they would want x-rays and even though I knew I wasn't pregnant I wanted the test to really make it certain so that I could get the x-rays without worrying. So, I wasn't pregnant and I got the x-rays. Sometimes I think I'm so stupid to think this way, but I can't help it. So with the definitive one-line I got some goat cheese and am thinking about drinking and having real coffee in the morning. :)

Nothing much is going on. Work has been going well lately. I get to retake the test I failed last month. Cross your fingers for me. I think I'm more ready now. I really hope I pass as I don't think I have ever failed anything more than once. I barely remember ever failing anything. Except maybe a swim test. I'm a really poor swimmer.

Today is an incredibly beautiful day and I think I'm going to go change and work in the yard for a bit.

I just changed my clothes and I've gained so much weight from last summer that the shorts I bought last year because I had no shorts that fit me are now barely fitting me. I feel so incredibly fat. I have not been this heavy in a long, long time. I want to lose weight, but I just can't restrict my eating these days. I really don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to regulate my eating. I eat to comfort myself so much. I do exercise regularly, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I feel like crap about this.


My Reality said...

I wish I could give you the secret to battle the weight, but it is my biggest struggle. Just know you are not alone.

niobe said...

I'm glad to hear that you're looking forward to your trip (which sounds amazing). But as for the rest ... life really does seem to be an uphill battle sometimes.

astral said...

I have peed on a stick when the odds have been stacked against me "just in case". It makes me feel better. As for weight I struggle also. I've joined WW last Sept and I'm nowhere near my goal weight. I get off track and stop exercising. I emotionally eat also. Stress from IF and school are the top contributors. Maybe if you pair up with someone? A friend or an email buddy? It's a thought. I'm looking forward to you trip--it sounds very exciting. I'm a planner too but think of all the cool places you will discover in your travel.s

Jessica at Bwlchyrhyd said...

Sleeping in the car isn't really that bad -- don't worry!

Gumby said...

Yeah, I've slept in a car off the side of the highway in Montana! Needed a catnap to refresh for the trip to Vancouver, B.C. Just keep your doors locked, windows up and if it makes you feel better close a jacket or something in the window and put up a windshield sun visor for privacy. ;)

As for the weight thing, I tend to be a stress, depression and boredom eater. I've found though that regular exercise like walking with my friend and dog helps keep me on a more even keel emotionally which helps lower the emotional appetite for food. If exercising (with or without a buddy) doesn't work for you, is there something else that you really love to do that you could get in the habit of going to instead of food when you're upset or down? Like knitting (or was that someone else's blog I saw that on?), sewing, photography, painting, gardening, decorating - or something?
Just a thought... I hope you're able to find a way to deal with the eating thing and/or feel better about yourself. We're our own worst critics, aren't we?
Try to be kind to yourself and enjoy your vacation! :)

Feline said...

Ugh, I'm sorry about the weight gain. I'm trying to diet, but like you I just can't limit my eating. On my bad days, well, I just want comfort foods.

I do the same thing with the testing just to stop wondering that maybe, just maybe... crazy. Crazy.