Wednesday, January 02, 2008

It went up

My hcg level this time was 144. It went up a little. No wonder my b00bs still hurt. This just sucks. I asked the nurse to ask the doctor if there was anything we could do to speed this along. I want this miscarriage to be over by the time I get to Las Vegas.

I'm feeling pretty empty. Usually I find solace in my knitting, but it doesn't seem to be doing much for me right now. I mean, I enjoy it and I keep making things, but I just don't feel fulfilled. I just feel like there is an empty pit in the middle of my body.

Maybe part of the reason is because I'm not working. I may have a job starting next Monday, but they have to see if they can make it so that it's not a problem that I'm not coming in the week we're going to Vegas. I do hope the job works out, though. I'm nervous about working full time again, but I think it's better to be busy and to have somewhere to go where I'm doing things than it is to make myself busy at home. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty I could do while I'm at home, but my motivation is pretty limited. And though I take care of some things, I'm not doing all I could do. I just find it really hard to reach inside myself and take care of big projects.

I hope I can get some sort of pill and empty out my uterus. This limbo is the worst.

6 comments:

Samantha said...

I'm sorry. :(

Almamay said...

Not good news. Damn. Is your clinic keeping a close eye on you and done scans for a possible ectopic? I sure hope so. Keep strong.

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

Any chance, sweetie, that you can have a D&C? I heard that they can be painful but maybe cleaning out your uterus would be helpful for the next IUI. At least I have heard that D&Cs can help with implantation the next time around.

I simply don't know what to say. You are in an incredibly horrible situation. I would DEFINITELY ask my RE if you have been tested for those things that you mentioned. ANYTHING to help get an answer. You deserve something - if you don't have a baby, then you should at least be able to get some information as to why you miscarried this time.

I am so so so very very sorry. IT SUCKS!

XOXO

ultimatejourney said...

That's just rotten. I'm so sorry. I hope the clinic can help you get things straightened out as quickly as possible.

My Reality said...

This is just so horrible, I am sorry you are going through it.

K77 said...

What a headfuck. I'm sorry.