My hcg today was 90. Going in the right direction (well, under the circumstances) but not as low as I was hoping. Still bleeding. I have to go in a week from Friday for another blood test.
I sent off for some adoption information. We're going to a Domestic Infant Adoption information meeting on Jan 23rd so we can understand more about the process and start thinking about an agency. I guess I need to feel like I'm moving forward in some way.
The biggest bummer about moving on to adoption is that when you decide to jump off the ART roller coaster, you don't just get to go to a peaceful place. You simply jump on to another roller coaster: Home Inspections, paperwork, profile, waiting to get chosen. I don't want to be on any roller coaster any more. I want to go to a peaceful place. But I guess a peaceful place will never exist for me. If I do get pg again, I'm sure I'll be pretty paranoid, though in an ideal world the second trimester should be a pretty peaceful time. If I don't get pregnant, we'll be on an adoption roller coaster until we get a referral, then there's all the other waiting for all the legal forms to be signed and for custody and finalization, plus follow up visits. And lord knows having an infant isn't peaceful (though in a much better way than having multiple miscarriages isn't peaceful). The whole process is so huge, crazy, overwhelming and expensive. I look at the literature and I freak. I can't absorb it all.
I have been feeling slightly less down lately, though. Slightly. My boobs definitely hurt less. I spent the day with my parents today. Still haven't heard about that job.
Vegas is coming up very soon, and I am starting to look forward to getting out of the house and just being somewhere else. We should have a pretty good time despite all of this shit.