Monday, January 08, 2007

No good news

The doctor called. My hCG level on Saturday went down to 83. It went up today, but only to about 98. So, there's really no chance at viability.

We're leaving stupidly early tomorrow morning. Have a good week!


Margo said...

I am so sorry Rachel. I hope you have fun on your cruise.

Lynn said...

I'm sorry about your bad news. But hang in there and stay positive.

Best wishes and baby dust!

Anonymous said...

Hi R,

I know you won't get this message until you are back from your holiday but I have just come across your blog and just had to write straight away. I'm not sure if it is the done thing to post such a long comment to a blog (am kind of new to all this) but I hope you won't mind.

This week I was feeling pretty alone and like we were the only people in the world battling with the dilemmas and challenges we are battling with and so turned to the net to find if there was anyone else out there sharing a similar journey. I couldn't believe it when I found your blog. My husband and I live on the other side of the world from you and yet our lives seem to be running a parallel course. The similarities are so many it is kind of freaky. Here are some of them:

1) We are also battling the balanced translocation challenge, except it is me who has it and not my husband.
2) We've been ttc for approximately the same amount of time.
3) We are the same age.
4) I've also had 3 miscarriages from natural pregnancies. (#1 at 9.5 weeks with D&C in May 06, #2 at 5.5 weeks in Sept 06, #3 at 5 weeks in November 06 - #2 &3 were natural m/c so no D&C required).
6) We are at the beginning of IVF with PGD journey, a little behind where you guys though, as we only went through the same surprise/frustration you went through re: how long it takes for them to set up the tests, create the probes etc before you can even start a cycle this week. So, we just shelled out the cash for them to get started with the testing and probes and will hopefully be able to start a cycle in March all being well or April if it takes a little longer.

7) I love to cook too, and we have very similar taste in food judging from reading your blog.

8) We also love to entertain, have friends over, grill (although we call it 'having a barbie' over here)

9) I also quit my job due to all the stress and an unsupportive boss and have just started looking for a new one

It really helped me to read your blog and I can so relate to everything you are going through. I really feel for you with this last miscarriage. It always seems to happen at a time when you really want to be happy about something and then it comes along and sidewinds you. Like, there you are looking forward to your honeymoon, coming back to a clean slate and your first IVF cycle and all this happens to throw you into a turmoil and somehow taint what should otherwise have been an awesome start to the New Year. I really hope you managed to have a fantastic time away despite it all. It's hard to do but in order to find some kind of sanity you have probably started to get good at 'compartmentalising' what is happening with the ttc front and the rest of your life a little so that there is some separation or relief from what would otherwise permeate every aspect of life and drag you way down. I have been trying my best to do this but of course it always there in the back of your head it's just a case of allowing it to come forward or pushing it back. Easier said than done at times but distractions like a holiday can help.

It seems we will be going through very similar things in the year ahead. As I sit here I am full of hope for both of us - we have to have faith and believe it will all work out, right? We can both fall pregnant so that is a start. compatible eggs and sperm etc we just need science to help us find a healthy embryo and hopefully our bodies are up for the rest. How amazing would it be if we both complete a PGD cycle with healthy embryos to transfer that implant all healthily and we are both holding a baby at the end of 2007 or beginning of 2008. I'm just so holding onto that. Everything we have been through and are still to go through will be so worth it if we can just get there in the end. I dream about being able to look back on this experience in hindsight with the happiness of holding a baby. That's what keeps me going right now.

Anyway, I'm waffling now and this is your blog. I don't want to do a blog but I'd really like to be able to share each other's journey. Would you like to email?

Take care of you and all the best for everything ahead of you and T.