This is my 450th post. My third year blogoversary is next week.
It has been more than three years since my first pregnancy.
All at once we are in the same place and not. We have been through so much since I started this blog and I have a completely different view on life (in some ways) than I did back then. Yet we are still not parents.
I feel in a weird place. I am still grieving for my friends' lost son. How do I move on when they cannot? We are going to see them tomorrow. My therapist tells me that I can mourn with them for a while, but I need to find a way to move on. I can have empathy, but I have my own burdens to bear.
We all need to move on and live life because what else can we do?
I know many of you have had to move on from your losses. I read your blogs and I see your ups and downs. I know that I try to do the same. Though we all have our own types of losses, we each figure out how to do it in different ways.
I'm not sure I've truly moved on from my loss, so perhaps that is why I'm feeling theirs so closely? Is there such a thing as feeling someone else's tragedy too much?
I just feel like I know what it's like to walk through life carrying a silence. I know my losses are different than this couple's loss, but I feel like I can truly feel it.
I say that spring is my favorite season because it's so nice for the weather to become bearable, but spring means blogoversary, my birthday and mother's day. I feel the passage of time so strongly. I suppose I should hate January because 3 of my 4 miscarriages were in January (I think), but for some reason I don't really think of miscarriage anniversaries that much.
I wish I could feel like it's okay to think about trivial things. I think about updating my facebook status, but how can I do something so trivial when my friends are enduring so much suffering?
How do I let go?