Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Funny on the inside

I've been feeling kind of funny lately.

The inauguration was great. I still can't believe it's real. It hasn't sunk in yet.

But aside from that, I'm just feeling funny. Things have gotten better since I stopped driving what my friend S labeled as the "think tank."

But then I got hit by that other car. I'm working with insurance to clear this up.

I got a good, new job a while back. But it still doesn't start til March 1. Waiting for it to start is really difficult. I'm not doing as well as I had in my old job. But I do have this new job waiting and they're not going to take it away. And I do have assignments, but my current job is so busy that I can't really work on the new stuff.

And I haven't done any adoption anything lately. We're still thinking of going with that facilitator, but it doesn't make sense to sign up until I change around our Dear Birthmother book, and I just haven't been able to do it. I both don't want to do it and have other projects I'm working on that have very finite deadlines, so I work on those and not the book.

But with all of this going on, I still just sort of feel empty inside. I see people having babies, and I see the babies grow up, and I see the children looking like their parents and I just feel empty.

I drive to work and I feel empty.

I know I should go talk to someone again, but my job has absolutely no flexibility, and I'm just trying to hold out until I have my new job which does have flexibility.

I really, really need a vacation, and we just bought tickets to go to FL on the 21st of Feb.

I just hope I can make it through until then. When I come back my new job will start. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to be patient.


niobe said...

Waiting -- no matter what you're waiting for -- can leave you feeling empty. Hope the time goes quickly until you start your new job.

Shalini said...

Hi. I hear ya on the job front. I hear ya on feeling empty. And mostly, on other people's babies. I hope 'tempus fugit' for you, so your adoption journey comes to a happy fruitful end. xx

beagle said...

Thinking of you.

Waiting and watching were never my favortites either.

Hang in there. The Florida trip will be a nice sunny boost and then the new job . . . and then . . .

Eileen said...

The waiting is tough, I know. Good luck with your book. And good for you on booking your vacation! We're planning on going somewhere for our 10th anniversary in May...somewhere warm and beachy;) It's great that you have something fun to look forward to. Your wait for the new job will come to an end soon and I hope that the wait to your child isn't much longer.