Thursday, August 13, 2009

Everything is okay

I spoke to the attorney in FL. They had spoken with expectant dad. Everything is fine. Expectant mom is so done with being pregnant. She wants it to be over. She has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and may ask to be induced.

While talking to the attorney's office we got to talking about money. This made me feel awful. It's terrible how much economics plays into the decision to place. I know for a fact that is not the only reason this couple is placing, but it is definitely a huge factor. I hate to feel like I'm 'buying' a baby.

I was sitting here reading parts of "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" and found something that rang true. Adoptive parent guilt doesn't really help the situation. It doesn't make us better parents. We need to let go of the guilt and do what's best for the baby. The expectant parents cannot provide what this baby needs for many different reasons, including financial ones. It is not fair, but it is true. We should be proud of them that they recognize this and made an intelligent choice in who to entrust with raising their baby
so that he will have a good life. We will make sure he knows this about them and how much they love him. We will communicate with them throughout his life so that they can see he is doing well and he can know who his birth parents are and who he looks like and where he comes from.

The attorney's office also mentioned that sometimes at the very end, near labor, expectant parents pull away from adoptive parents because the reality of what's happening is setting in. I get that. Makes sense.

But they're still talking to the adoption agency which means they are still counting on this plan. Though this doesn't surprise me. This nervousness comes more from me and my own insecurities than from anything this expectant couple has said or done. They have been nothing but reassuring, honest and up front with us. And I get the feeling that they like us and are happy with the match.

So, I guess I'll get an update after expectant mom's doctor's appointment.

10 comments:

RB said...

Great news :) I can't wait to hear about her doctor's appt.

Mountain Girl said...

Breathe in, breathe out. I'm sure it's hard, but hang in there!

ultimatejourney said...

I bet this time is as intense for the expectant parents as it is for you, just in a different way.

Thinking of you guys.

Sue said...

So far, so good - hoping for more good news soon.

Kelly said...

Hang in there... it's getting close!

beagle said...

I know it's not very useful . . . but I have a good feeling about this situation for all of you.

xo

niobe said...

Holding my breath.

hope548 said...

I'm glad everything is ok. It sounds like you have a really good understanding of it all. Of course, it doesn't help with being nervous! I hope the baby gets here soon!

AshPash said...

This is so very exciting! We adopted twice...once domestically and once from China. Both were wonderful experiences. Our girls are our universe. I get all giddy just thinking of the joy you have ahead.

Suzanna Catherine said...

Have been following your journey. Things are so different now than they were when my boys were adopted. (They are both in their early 40s.) There really was no such thing as an open adoption at that time. One was a private domestic adoption and the other was through the state where we lived. Those records are sealed. It's very sad for my son who cannot find out such basic things as health info.

I can appreciate how nervous you feel.
I hope that the waiting will be over soon.

Good luck and ((hugs)) to you.