Wednesday, August 06, 2008

The support group

Well, I go to make my post today and there on my Dashboard are pictures of three newborn babies, the newest part of the blogger family and all the "buzz" at Blogger. Yay.

It used to be that pictures of newborns made me want to cry. Now seeing pictures like that just makes me roll my eyes. Is that progress? I'm not so sure.

There was only one other couple at the support group plus a social worker / adoptive mom. I guess I really need to bitch about all of this stuff because I definitely felt a little better afterward. We will definitely drag our butts all the way out there again for another one of those. We just discussed all of the issues and got to complain about how much everything sucks and we asked questions of the adoptive mom/social worker.

My new mantra from the support group meeting? "Glue it down and move on."

This is what the woman in the couple told herself after freaking out about which pictures to put in the picture book thingy. I have to take this attitude. I have to have this attitude for both the birthmother letter and the book. I just need to be truthful and choose what I choose and put it down and move on. Glue it down and move on.

I still haven't written any more. But I'm going to. And I think I can look at this with fresh eyes, so the support group was good.

In other news AF is here again. I think about going on the pill again just so I don't have false hope any more. My hope is much smaller than it used to be, and it's not like we're really trying or anything. But I can't help but hope a little. I wonder if that's bad. I wonder if I should just go on the pill so I have no hope at all. Any thoughts on this?


Trace said...

I LOVE going to my support group!

Almamay said...

Never heard the saying "Glue it down and move on" but I'm liking it.

I don't know what to say about going back on the pill. I was very annoyed with my consultant when she wanted us to TTC naturally this summer instead of going on the pill. If I had gone on the pill I could have booked our flights and hotel for our next cycle the end of June and enjoyed the summer without worrying about TTC.

Of course the first month TTC hasn't worked and I'm sure the others won't either. I could have just started the pill without telling her as she had already given them to me but I have this thing about doing everything my consultant asks. It's a trust thing. If they can't trust me, I can't trust them.

It's a hard call. I still want to start the pill and just plan my next IVF and get my flights booked before the prices go too high. Instead I'm counting cycle days.

I probably haven't helped at all....

niobe said...

I saw those baby pictures and was rolling my eyes too.

On the pill issue: I dunno. Is there any way you can not take the pill, but also tell yourself that you're not going to hope? But maybe that wouldn't work for you.

hope548 said...

I've got a little assvice for you from someone who is a little further along in the process of adoption. Hope you don't mind.

For your profile, pick photos that show your personality and who you are. You want to represent yourselves and you're not trying to appeal to every birthmom, just the right one. In this case, it really does only take one! That little bit helped me a lot. Try to have fun with it too!

The birth control thing is obviously up to you, but I noticed as I got further along in the adoption process, I was much more focused on adopting and less focused on hoping for a miracle baby. I hope it will be the same for you.

Good luck!

Rebecca said...

I love the advice that you got...glue it down and move on...sounds like she's had some experience with obsessing over the "perfect" thing for the letter and picture book. I really hope this works for you...I know it's a lot of work, but it will all be worth it. I think the support group sounds like a great idea...good luck with everything.

I'm not sure what to say about the pill...I wish I could help more, but that's a very personal decision.

Nancy said...

That's good advice. I tend to obsess over things, too, which only leads to me starting things over and over again until I feel it's perfect - which of course, in my mind, it never is. This is what I did with my adoption autobiography. I must have ripped up 3 different versions before I finally settled down and just wrote.

As for the pill, I don't know how to advise you. I can tell you from personal experience, I decided against that. I think having a little bit of hope is not a bad thing. Although, I no longer keep track of my cycle obsessively like I used to. That just made me nuts.

beagle said...

I am glad it was useful.